News Roundup

"For the unlearned, old age is winter; for the learned, it is the season of harvest."-- Traditional saying from the Hasidim

Wow, the articles on various aspects of aging are proliferating, with the New York Times bringing forth quite a bouquet of them. I imagine this is a trend that will continue, because after all we are in the midst of an age wave, called even more poetically a silver tsunami.

Anyway, here are a few of the articles that have caught my attention recently.

Here's a delightful article on silver-haired women, some of whom flaunted their natural hair on a Silver Sisters Strut in Times Square. Silver hair is becoming more accepted, though we still have a way to go on that score. For a lot of women, and for men too, coloring their hair still seems like a necessary procedure.

There was another wonderful article in the New York Times. It is the story of a late life romance. Beautifully written, touching and well worth the read.

The San Francisco Chronicle ran a review of The Quartet, one of several new films about aging.

The Quartet appears to be much more lively than Amour, whose focus is the decline and death of a beloved wife. I want to see both of these movies, which are jam-packed with great actors and thoughtful material.

Back to the New York Times and an opinion piece by Tim Kreider. Kreider explores our jaunty way of facing aging, avoiding sadness. I love this quote from the piece.

"Segregating the old and the sick enables a fantasy, as baseless as the fantasy of capitalism’s endless expansion, of youth and health as eternal, in which old age can seem to be an inexplicably bad lifestyle choice, like eating junk food or buying a minivan, that you can avoid if you’re well-educated or hip enough."

Finally, a touching article from the New York Times New Old Age blog about a group of long time friends and how they chose to support one friend as she developed Alzheimer's. It is wonderful to read some of these positive articles about aging and how people are responding to it.

Paradigm shift! It's happening and it's about time!

What's so great about growing older?

What is so great about growing older? This is a topic I think about often, and since I am giving a talk with that title on February 3rd at the Ashland Library, I've been thinking about it even more, and I've been poring over some of my favorite books on aging for passages to share in my talk.

I visited with a dear friend recently and our conversation turned to how people age, or more specifically how in our society people don't necessarily grow wiser as they grow older.  I was very touched when my friend shared her experience of how elders are treated in Brazil.

"Sometimes you will see them coming down from the hills," she told me, "accompanied by their family members. The family members will each be holding some article that belongs to the elder, and you can see that they are very happy to be given that honor, the honor of accompanying the elder, of holding something for the elder. There's a great feeling of love and respect. Everyone thinks of the elder as wise, and in fact the elder is wise."

I've been thinking of this ever since. Yesterday when I was reading Zalman Schacter-Shalomi's book From Age-ing to Sage-ing, I found something that resonated with our talk. It involved a study done by psychologist Ellen Langer at Harvard University. A group of elders over 75 were encouraged to act as if they were 20 years younger. Study results showed that memory, manual dexterity, muscle strength and flexibility increased while hearing and vision improved.

"In general, our negative expectations make us age faster than nature intended," Schacter-Shalomi writes. In our society, many elders have negative expectations. They get the message that they are over the hill, useless, etc. and they internalize these messages. When we buy into negative self-images about aging, whether consciously or unconsciously, we set the stage for disempowered old people.

We lose many possible sages. It's important to shift social attitudes about aging, both for the sake of elders and for the well-being of society as a whole.

Positive self imaging is very powerful. Positive self-imaging does not deny aging; it does focus on the innate life force, and the powerful quality of our thoughts and emotions, including joy, appreciation and a sense of engagement.

 

Octagenarian blues musician B.B. King

These are some of the things I think are great about growing older.

Maturity -  It comes from Latin word for ripeness. It implies that we have fully developed. Of course there is still more to learn and integrate but if we have been paying attention, we have become mature. Maturity is a great gift, both to oneself and others. It is useful and inspirational, too.

Character - Our character has developed, too. That's one aspect of our maturity. We may be characters, too. We don't care as much about what others think about us. We are not trying to please others the way we were in earlier years. We have the authority of our life experience and what we have learned from it.

Resilience, adaptation, creativity - We have learned resilience and adaptability in the course of life, and if our hearing or eyesight etc. is affected, we learn how to work with it.

Panoramic perspective -The older brain has an integrative capacity that the younger brain does not have.

Contentment, happiness - The majority of older adults are happier in their age than they were earlier in their lives. Paradoxically so.

Spiritual deepening, altruism, transcendence - Psychologists such as Erik Erickson and Carl Jung have written about the natural turning within that occurs in the later years, when we become more reflective, altruistic, and detached.

These are a few of the things I think are great about growing older.

News Flash!

This article  and its accompanying video clip tells about a 93-year old Portland woman, Willa Asbornsen who decided that she wanted to move out of the nursing home where she was living in order to live alone. To reach that goal, she started to work out. Take a look at what she has to say-- she's inspiring and her story offers inspiring evidence of the benefits of exercise, and the truth that it's never too late to start working out.

Love the new look of the blog! Thanks so much to Betsy Lewis Consulting. Betsy is a social media whiz, and I love what she has done to beautify, update and connect this blog.

Artist's Life: Little Playmates and Current Projects

My friends the horse, frog and monkey

The red fairy Sophia painted long ago

The tiny elderwoman Helen made, with Betsy's mandala nearby

I am in the midst of several substantial projects.


I am preparing to publish Songs of the Inner Life, "first in a series of short memoirs." To that end, I sent the manuscript out to a group of people, asking for them to provide reader comments that I can use for publicity. I also talked with designer Robert Frost about creating a cover design for the book. I should have that to share soon.

I am preparing for a talk, an OLLI class and I'm updating my website with information about solo performances, speaking and workshops.

I'm working on two final songs for our musical revue on aging, and then will review the script with our script consultant Carolyn Myers.

So in the midst of these creative endeavors, I took time to visit with my little playmates, who live in my house with me.


They may seem as if they are just sitting there on the shelf, wall or counter, but there's more to it than that.

The monkey reminds me to play and swing freely in the midst of everything I am developing. The frog tells me to persevere --he assures me that my work will add up and bring positive, fertile results.

The horse brings the thought of adventure, a painted gypsy wagon, summers in the meadow, running unbridled.

These particular little playmates have other things they share too, depending on the day.

The red fairy has been with me since my daughter Sophia painted it in Grade II of Waldorf School. The red fairy reminds me of the beauty, magic and innocence of real aliveness.

I feel quite happy when I gaze at her amidst the big red flowers and green grass.  


I have a lovely little elder woman with braids in my kitchen. She carries a basket and has fetching green shoes and old-fashioned country clothing.

I got her from Helen Jucevic, who makes Kinder Dolls in the Waldorf style.                          
In the background is Betsy Lewis' mandala titled Grief. When Betsy gave it to me, I couldn't resist asking her why she was giving me grief.

You can see more of Betsy's work at the link above. I recommend taking a look.


I have other little playmates, too, like the chap here on his ox, with his flute in hand. He doesn't talk much, being a rather quiet fellow, but he does play the flute very beautifully.

I'm sure I am not the only person in the universe who has an affectionate relationship with small beings who live nearby. Do you?

Well it's out for a walk for me, before I head into two exciting meetings. At least I imagine that they will be exciting.

Living Arrangements

Winter tablescape in the kitchen, with the sun bright on the wall

I haven't written about living arrangements since September 2010, when I posted a blog essay that explored elder co-housing, house sharing, intentional communities and other possibilities. With millions of people aging, it certainly is timely to think about ways to live that increase community and make life easier.

Here's the link to my earlier reflections on the subject in case you want to take a look.
 
some thoughts on architecture, place and community 

I've lived alone a great deal in the past 15 years until I spent a year and a half sharing a townhouse with my friend Louise. Living with a person can deepen your friendship. That is what has happened with Louise and I.

While I was living with Louise I found this cottage, where I presently abide quite comfortably and happily. When I first saw this place, the garden particularly enchanted me. I was drawn to the house, too. I could imagine feeling quite comfortable in the cottage, which is welcoming and a bit worn. A bit like me perhaps.

It seemed a great bonus that the place also had a garden suite, composed of two rooms and a bath in the back part of the house. That meant there would be enough room to have a housemate. I liked the idea of having a housemate.

When you are older it makes financial sense to share your abode. Friendship and mutual support are other attractive reasons to share a domicile, if you can find a compatible person.

Women live longer and women in their 80s and older are more likely to be living alone. This can increase isolation, depression and other factors that affect mental and physical health. Of course, there are many possible pitfalls for older people looking for housemates. When city or county agencies help by screening and matching people up, it can be very helpful.

I had two brief, unsuccessful houseshare experiences before my friend Anne moved in. Neither of the encounters was dangerous or terribly unpleasant, but they weren't much fun, either.

What a difference between those experiences and being here with Anne. It is a great pleasure to share the cottage with her. It feels very good-- very relaxed, safe, comfortable and companionable. We respect each other's privacy and we also get together fairly regularly.

My friend Anne

Here's how I met Anne. My dancer friend Robin was going to see a movie and asked if I wanted to join her. She told me that she was meeting someone at the theater, a woman named Anne. Yes, I wanted to go so I headed downtown.

I was early and I decided to sit in front of the hotel and people watch. That's always interesting and fun. After awhile, I looked down toward the movie theater, which is not that far away. There I saw a woman standing.

"That must be Anne," I thought to myself. I got up and started to walk toward her. She began to walk toward me, too. When we met, I asked her, "Are you Robin's friend?"

"Yes, I am," she told me. "Well, I'm Gaea and I'm looking forward to going to the movie with you and Robin."

"Oh," she said. "I'm Anne."  We kept chatting as if we had known each other for years.

Today I was thinking about that first meeting.

"Did you know I was going to join you and Robin?" I asked Anne.

"No, I had no idea," she answered.  "You started to walk toward me when I began walking toward you," I said.

"Yes, I did," she responded. Anne didn't know why she walked toward me and I don't know how I knew who she was.

I have no idea how these things happen, but they do.  Now we are friends and we are sharing a house. So there you have it.  It is a happy circumstance.

These are two books I am using in my upcoming class at OLLI, "Retirement, Refirement and Successful Aging."  The class will take place in February. I'm looking forward to it.

I will also be presenting a talk at the Ashland Library on February 3rd. It's titled "What's So Great About Aging?"

Cold and wintry here. So many of my friends are in Hawaii and Mexico, giving me the chance to practice mudita, or sympathetic joy.

Hope you are enjoying life, whatever the weather patterns.

Are You Pro Aging or Anti Aging?

Wanting to stay young is nothing new. Remember Ponce de Leon and his search for The Fountain of Youth?  Ponce de León discovered Florida and his fabled search for The Fountain of Youth is commemorated by this plaque, which marks mineral springs in St. Augustine, Florida. We don't hear about thousands of hopefuls making a pilgrimage to those springs though, so we may assume that while they may be lovely healing waters, they won't give us the blush of 25 again.

People have looked for ways to remain vibrant and youthful since ancient times, but our society has brought obsession with youth to a new plateau with plastic surgery  and the many nostrums in the $80 billion anti-aging industry that promise to keep the dreaded signs of aging at bay.

According to an article in the Huffington Post,"Anti-aging enthusiasts contend that life spans can be prolonged through interventions such as hormone replacement therapy and dietary supplements. Critics, including much of the medical establishment, say many anti-aging interventions are ineffective or harmful."

Even without the anti-aging industry's products, we are the beneficiaries of a "longevity bonus"--with many healthy years predicted after 50. How will we use those years and how will we view the process of aging?

Anti-aging generally applies to methods for slowing, preventing or reversing the aging process. I am anti-anti-aging because I am pro aging. I completely support older adults being as healthy, vibrant and attractive as they can be, and I want that for myself, too. I just do not want to be expected to judge this stage of life by the standards or values of youth. I am not aspiring to be youthful. I am old, and I am okay about that. I do aspire to be radically alive. To me, expressions like "young at heart" are anti-aging with a sugar coating. What is the problem with being old at heart? I've already been young.

Anti-aging may be partly about preserving perceived beauty, but it is also about exerting control, and staving off fear of dying.  Old has advantages, including a bigger, deeper perspective from decades of life experience. I don't like anti-aging. I like pro aging. That means embracing the beautiful opportunities and inner tasks of later life and valuing later life as a profound stage of evolution and development.

Dr. Carol Orsborn

 I wanted to share two womens' pro aging messages, because I find each of them useful and inspiring.
In this You Tube video, author Dr. Carol Orsborn talks about ageism, noting that growing older is either romanticized or reviled  in popular culture, but never shown as it really is. She says to the boomer generation, "Yes we've done a lot about sexism and racism but why haven't we done anything about ageism?"

(Since this is one of the questions I've been asking through Sage's Play, I recognized Dr. Orsborn as a kindred spirit from the start.)
 Dr. Orsborn suggests that the reason that boomers haven't addressed ageism is that they have internalized the message that young is good and old is bad. Older adults don't want to be associated with being old. They want to pass for young.

Take a few minutes to watch her talk. It's worthwhile.

I follow Dr. Orsborn's reflections on aging at her digest Fierce with Age. where I am happy to be among the contributors.

Another writer I follow is Barbara Hannah Grufferman, a very pretty, fit New Yorker who writes for the Huffington Post and AARP. Check out Barbara Hannah Grufferman's article on embracing aging written for the AARP blog. In it, she writes,

"Isn’t it time to change how we view aging? Have we created a society of “haves” and “have nots” based not so much on how much is in our bank accounts, but on how much we spend on trying to look younger? Have we completely removed any opportunity for a level playing field? Have we fooled ourselves to the point where we actually believe we are younger just by erasing crow’s feet with Botox? And do we think we fool others?"

Barbara Hannah Grufferman

I don't know if we are trying to fool ourselves or others with anti-aging strategies, or whether we are simply trying to stay above water, to remain visible and engaged in the pressured confines of our ageist society. There are lots of ways to remain engaged and visible. You can even do it with silver hair.

I am very glad to see a grassroots pro aging movement growing. Ageism is unhealthy for all of us. It's time for each one of us to develop effective strategies to counter it.

I don't want to fight aging. The mere idea tires me out. I want to enjoy this time of life in ways that feel fulfilling. We will age; it's just a question of how we will do it. As Grufferman points out in her article, it's possible to embrace your age AND to place your attention on being fit, healthy and attractive. They are not mutually exclusive. Putting all of one's attention on trying to pass for young could even mean that one is so busy with outer appearances, one doesn't take the time to engage in some of the meaningful inner work of later life. This is a sure-fire recipe for avoiding wisdom. I myself would rather place my attention on becoming at least somewhat wiser as I age. What about you? What is your vision of aging?

At the Year's End

“Spring passes and one remembers one's innocence.
Summer passes and one remembers one's exuberance.
Autumn passes and one remembers one's reverence.
Winter passes and one remembers one's perseverance.”                    

 --Yoko Ono

“Winter is not a season, it's an occupation.” --Sinclair Lewis

Both of these quotes speak to me. It's winter, and the end of another year. A time to reflect on the year that is ending and imagine the year to come.  That is what I will be doing the next few days, while I enjoy the company of my daughter's dog Samo.

This morning I woke way before the dawn. I am glad to be in my dear little cottage, and glad to be breathing in and out and feeling quite fine.  The white narcissus on the dining table are finished blooming, but the lovely coral-colored Christmas cactus and the happy purple blossoms of the African violet enliven my kitchen. I have a box full of persimmons my daughter gave me as she left to visit one of her good friends in Atlanta. I am thinking of making some persimmon pudding to begin with. Perhaps I'll freeze some of them. I love cooking, though I don't usually talk about that much here.

My circle gathering at Skylark Assisted Living yesterday went very well. I will be doing another circle there in January. It is different from gathering a circle in the wider community, because many people at Skylark have various forms of cognitive impairment. Four of the seven people who came to our circle yesterday "had their lights on" as my friend Kate describes it. We reflected, played, and laughed. It was tender. It was also sobering to be with several others who were not easily able to participate or keep track.

Kate is one of my oldest and dearest friends. She lives at Skylark now because she has a hereditary neurological disease that affects her movement and balance. Her mind remains keen. Our friendship has bloomed since she arrived at Skylark. She is a wonderful example of relaxing into a radical life change with grace. She sheds light as she goes. She has paradoxically also gotten more ascerbic as she ages. Her observations on human foibles, including her own, are often funny and trenchant. Bless her. I am so glad that we are friends.

Yesterday on Facebook, I found out about a movie titled How to Live Forever. Made in 2009, it is a documentary whose underlying theme is embracing aging. I ordered a copy and I'm excited about viewing it and reviewing it, too.

I wanted to share this positive aging poster that I learned about on Ronni Bennett's blog Time Goes By. Ronni covers many topics and issues of aging, and her blog is well worth reading. This poster is available from Syracuse Cultural Workers. It was developed by Portland, Oregon elder care attorney Orrin R. Onkin, who writes for Ronni's blog from time to time.

I like the positive messages it promotes. Many older adults internalize negative stereotypes about aging without even realizing it, and like any kind of prejudice, ageism has a negative impact on mental and physical health. I plan to get a copy of this to share at my upcoming classes and circles.

I am preparing for a 3-session class I will be offering in January and February--it is titled Retirement, Refirement and Successful Aging. It will meet at OLLI, our local Osher Lifelong Learning Institute, which is based on the campus of Southern Oregon University.

I will also be offering a class titled The Adventure of Aging in Ashland, starting in February. It will meet twice a month on Saturday afternoons. I'll share some of what we will be doing in an upcoming post. Or email me. I plan to start offering online courses sometime soon, too.

My friend Serena gave me a hand reading before we left on our Mayan cruise trip together. She says the lines on my hands indicate more travel, teaching, leadership, public speaking, performing and visibility, among other things. All that is just peachy with me. I love working with groups in class and workshop settings, and I love performing, too.  I want to move out with the messages of creative, conscious aging.

In terms of mood enhancement, it is inevitable that I contemplate images of spring and summer during the winter. It keeps me moving along when the weather is gray, rainy and snowy. Both of these places pictured below are quite appealing to me on this cold morning. I am getting an acupuncture treatment this morning. That helps, as do soaks in the hot springs, dancing, laughing and having a meal or a movie with friends, taking a walk up in the hills and getting some exercise at the Y. 

Those are some of the things I do to enhance my wellbeing in the cold season. How do you take care of yourself and bring joy into your life in the winter?

Oh, I also wanted to mention that my talk about creative, positive aging with Craig Comstock for his show Like Wow! is available at our website home page, www.sagesplay.com

That's the story here. I am going to mull over the past year, maybe with some mulled wine. Oh, and the persimmon pudding.

I am going to spend time dreaming up my vision for the year to come.





I am going to welcome helpers, partners and allies to this creative, conscious aging work. I am dreaming up a colleague or partner who is excited about this work and who has the skills to help with marketing, pr and outreach.

Who knows, I could travel to a sunny beach before the winter is over.
 
Whether that happens or not, I wish each of you a beautiful new year full of blessings and happy surprises.

Winter Solstice at the Mayan Ruins

There was a great deal of hoopla and some unfortunate fears about the "end of the Mayan calendar" on the winter solstice this year. There were people who believed that the world was going to end on that day. Actually, the winter solstice marked the shift from one Long Era of the Mayan calendar--over 5,000 years--to the next, and it is predicted that this new era will  be influenced and guided by more feminine and beneficent energies. May that be true.

The Castle pyramid at Chichen Itza in the Yucatan area of Mexico

Well, left to my own devices I never would have dreamed up going to Mayan ruins at the time of the winter solstice. Thousands of New Agers were headed there to celebrate.  It promised to be a real dense crowd and that would mean a lot of concern among the local police. Not appealing.

My friend Serena invited me to come on the trip as her guest, all expenses paid. Serena went to Woodstock and she imagined that visiting the Mayan ruins at the solstice might be just like Woodstock minus the mud.

I thought her invitation was quite generous and it seemed a good idea to get out of the winter cold for a few days, see some Mayan ruins, spend some time with Serena (whom I had not seen in over 25 years) and see what there is to see, learn what there is to learn.  I agreed to go.

The enormous Carnival cruise ship held over 2,000 people and our Mayan Galactic Shift (don't you love that?) group on the ship numbered 200. There was a roster of speakers who talked about the Mayans, spaceships in ancient times, past life regressions, prophecies, intuition and psychic knowing and various other metaphysically oriented topics.

I went to several of the presentations. I especially liked one by author Robert Sitler, who has spent many years with various Mayan groups. I liked his focus on the cooperative lifestyle of the Mayans, the positive ways they raise their children, their connection with Nature, the value they place on respect, humility and gratitude.

I also sat in on a talk given by Newton Kondaveti, an MD from India who led us in a past life regression. (I have done past life regressions many times. I am of the opinion that whatever pops up in my mind is useful information for further growth, whether I believe it is "actually" a past life experience or not.) My experience was being a 14-year old native American boy, going on a vision quest, growing into a healer, living a long life and then dying. When I died in that lifetime, people said "His life was a blessing."   I would be happy if that were said about me at my death in this current lifetime.

From that experience of a healer who was powerful and humble, I recognize the value of humility. In this next year, I want to place my attention on cultivating humility in myself.

We spent a couple of hours at the Chichen Itza archeological preserve. It was far too short a time to relax into visiting that site.  The movement of the serpent can be seen  on the steps of the temple at the time of the winter solstice. I did see that movement.

It is a beautiful place, and I wanted to spend more time there, but being part of our cruise group herd, I had to move along.

Columns of ancient temple at Chichen Itza

I have been decompressing since I returned on December 23rd. The experience was so different from what I would have chosen on my own. That was good in the sense that it took me into new territory, where I had a chance to view the world from a different perspective.

When I got back, I had to work through some serious disappointment about spending so little time at the sites and about some of the behaviors of members of our group, whose "offerings" at the sacred sites seemed so disrespectful and full of ego. Embarrassing.

I can only imagine what the Mayan elder who led our group into Chichen Itza thought of us, people who could not or would not follow the simple directions he gave about forming two lines, walking in rows of four or making a nice round circle.  Instead, I heard a lot of grumbling and irritation about following the directions. Oy vey.  More work to do here, people.



It was marvelous to be in the sun and balmy sea air. I loved sitting on the balcony outside our cabin and looking at the nighttime sky. I am drawn to Mexico, and often think of moving there, so I enjoyed those days we spent in Mexican waters and on Mexican land.

At Chachanaab, a site of the goddess Ixchel

From left to right, Serena, Quicksilver, me and Shima

Serena and I met in the 70s--we are both part of the Church of the Gentle Brothers and Sisters, a group of healers now dispersed in various geographies. There were two other GBS members on the cruise--Quicksilver, who played a major role in organizing our Galactic adventure and Shima, who works with him. It was delightful to reconnect and to spend time with each of them.

I could say a lot more about why I am severely disinclined ever to go on another cruise. How about a summary? Too many noxious chemicals, too much loud noise and music, too much alcoholic inebriation, too many dumb activities, plus the glitzy awful decor. You see, I am a gal who thinks a journey in a gypsy wagon on summer back roads  is just the thing.

I am glad that I had that time to spend with Serena. As she noted, "Who knows when we will ever see each other again?" At this time in life, every meeting is flavored with the fullness of time.

Now I am back in my home ground. Back in my sweet cottage. Back to completing some wonderful creative and conscious aging projects. I'll share more about these in a future post.

Today, I am going to Skylark Assisted Living, where my dear friend Kate lives, and I will be offering a circle gathering. When people are in assisted living facilities, they often have very little or no opportunity to reflect on the inner tasks of this time of life, to be playful, to make deeper connections with themselves and others. They grow accustomed to diverting themselves or to resigning themselves. They become isolated, even in the midst of living so closely with others. I already did two poetry events there, but this event will be a bit different. I have a variety of tools at the ready, but I will have to play a lot of it by ear, and by heart.

I know there are at least two people there at Skylark who are open to what I have to offer. Perhaps it's like performing for an audience. Focus on those two, and bring the others along. Wish me luck.