Elder Beat: Two Great Books on Aging, and a P.S.

 Carol Orsborn is one of my favorite commentators on aging well. Ever since I first spotted an article she wrote in the Huffington Post, I've been interested in knowing what she has to say about engaging with the aging process in  positive ways. Orsborn doesn't romanticize aging or its challenges and she describes the unique opportunities that later life offers in a way that makes sense to me.

I am a fan of hers, so I was looking forward to reading her new book, which is the 21st book she has published! Orsborn has written self-help, spirituality and business books--all aimed at the boomer generation. She's been on Oprah and the Today Show. She writes for Huffington Post, PBS's Next Avenue and BeliefNet. She is what is called a thought leader these days.

Her new book is titled  Fierce with Age: Chasing God and Squirrels in Brooklyn.  A very engaging memoir, the book chronicles Orsborn's experiences and observations during one particular year in  her early 60s, which as it happened was a year that brought home the realization that she was definitely leaving the territory of mid-life and entering the realm of old age.

There are so many great reviews of the book available and I want to include some excerpts of them here.

In her wonderful blog, Any Shiny Thing, (which I highly recommend checking out)  Lynne Spreen writes, "When I read this book, Fierce with Age: Chasing God and Squirrels in Brooklyn, I knew for sure. Carol Orsborn is on to something that I, at age 59, am really hungry for. I want to know how to feel valuable, powerful and at peace in the second half of my life, while still fully functioning in a society that demeans, caricatures, and negates older people."

Author Connie Goldman, who herself has written a number of wonderful books on aging, writes, "I've not read anything as honest and revealing as the tale of Carol Orsborn's personal journey into becoming Fierce with Age. Through searching deeply and having the courage to share the experience, she offers us all insights and validation of who we can become in mid-life and the years beyond." —Connie Goldman, author of Who Am I . . . Now That I'm Not Who I Was

So yes, I do recommend that you read this book, whether you are 45 or 75. Orsborn's storytelling is easy to take in. It's honest, vulnerable, feisty and seasoned with bouyant doses of humor.  What she has to say is valuable and how she says it is delightfully written and full of insights and surprises.

Right now, I am a student in The Possible Elder, a 10-session class taught by Carl Marsak at our local OLLI (Osher LifeLong Learning Institute).  Marsak founded the Enneagram Center of Ashland in 2008. He is a great teacher and I have been enjoying the experience of each class session. It's really fun to be a student rather than a teacher sometimes. One of the books that Marsak is using in the class is  Aging as a Spiritual Practice by Lewis Richmond. Richmond is a Zen priest who was a student of the great master Suzuki Roshi, one of the first teachers to bring Buddhism to America.

Because I've been a Buddhist for 40 years,  I make some assumptions which may not be very accurate, it seems. I assume that everyone recognizes that aging ---no matter what your spiritual inclination or lack of it--is a profoundly spiritual process that involves surrendering the ego, the attachment to and identification with the transient self--and in the process, if the process is taken on full bore-- letting go, forgiving, getting over oneself, recognizing that the work of "laying down the mantle"  and moving toward dying--as they say in the gospel songs-- is a primary work of later life.

If you are feeling called to explore this territory, the realm of Aging as a Spiritual Practice, then this is a wonderful resource and support for you in your quest.

"As someone who recently turned 70, I ate up Lewis Richmond's words on seeing growing older a spiritual practice. The book is fun and enlightening. I'll never forget some of the stories and the sharp formulas the author uses to remember how to age with some pleasure. The Buddhist point of view is especially fresh and useful. There's some Zen in all of us, deep down."

---Thomas Moore, author of Care of the Soul and Writing in the Sand

The book is warm and easy to read, and it includes valuable exercises along with its valuable insights.

My own memoir, Songs of the Inner Life, is moving forward toward publication. More news on that in my next blog--you can check out our website, www.sagesplay.com for some wonderful reader comments on the book.

Are You Pro Aging or Anti Aging?

Wanting to stay young is nothing new. Remember Ponce de Leon and his search for The Fountain of Youth?  Ponce de León discovered Florida and his fabled search for The Fountain of Youth is commemorated by this plaque, which marks mineral springs in St. Augustine, Florida. We don't hear about thousands of hopefuls making a pilgrimage to those springs though, so we may assume that while they may be lovely healing waters, they won't give us the blush of 25 again.

People have looked for ways to remain vibrant and youthful since ancient times, but our society has brought obsession with youth to a new plateau with plastic surgery  and the many nostrums in the $80 billion anti-aging industry that promise to keep the dreaded signs of aging at bay.

According to an article in the Huffington Post,"Anti-aging enthusiasts contend that life spans can be prolonged through interventions such as hormone replacement therapy and dietary supplements. Critics, including much of the medical establishment, say many anti-aging interventions are ineffective or harmful."

Even without the anti-aging industry's products, we are the beneficiaries of a "longevity bonus"--with many healthy years predicted after 50. How will we use those years and how will we view the process of aging?

Anti-aging generally applies to methods for slowing, preventing or reversing the aging process. I am anti-anti-aging because I am pro aging. I completely support older adults being as healthy, vibrant and attractive as they can be, and I want that for myself, too. I just do not want to be expected to judge this stage of life by the standards or values of youth. I am not aspiring to be youthful. I am old, and I am okay about that. I do aspire to be radically alive. To me, expressions like "young at heart" are anti-aging with a sugar coating. What is the problem with being old at heart? I've already been young.

Anti-aging may be partly about preserving perceived beauty, but it is also about exerting control, and staving off fear of dying.  Old has advantages, including a bigger, deeper perspective from decades of life experience. I don't like anti-aging. I like pro aging. That means embracing the beautiful opportunities and inner tasks of later life and valuing later life as a profound stage of evolution and development.

Dr. Carol Orsborn

 I wanted to share two womens' pro aging messages, because I find each of them useful and inspiring.
In this You Tube video, author Dr. Carol Orsborn talks about ageism, noting that growing older is either romanticized or reviled  in popular culture, but never shown as it really is. She says to the boomer generation, "Yes we've done a lot about sexism and racism but why haven't we done anything about ageism?"

(Since this is one of the questions I've been asking through Sage's Play, I recognized Dr. Orsborn as a kindred spirit from the start.)
 Dr. Orsborn suggests that the reason that boomers haven't addressed ageism is that they have internalized the message that young is good and old is bad. Older adults don't want to be associated with being old. They want to pass for young.

Take a few minutes to watch her talk. It's worthwhile.

I follow Dr. Orsborn's reflections on aging at her digest Fierce with Age. where I am happy to be among the contributors.

Another writer I follow is Barbara Hannah Grufferman, a very pretty, fit New Yorker who writes for the Huffington Post and AARP. Check out Barbara Hannah Grufferman's article on embracing aging written for the AARP blog. In it, she writes,

"Isn’t it time to change how we view aging? Have we created a society of “haves” and “have nots” based not so much on how much is in our bank accounts, but on how much we spend on trying to look younger? Have we completely removed any opportunity for a level playing field? Have we fooled ourselves to the point where we actually believe we are younger just by erasing crow’s feet with Botox? And do we think we fool others?"

Barbara Hannah Grufferman

I don't know if we are trying to fool ourselves or others with anti-aging strategies, or whether we are simply trying to stay above water, to remain visible and engaged in the pressured confines of our ageist society. There are lots of ways to remain engaged and visible. You can even do it with silver hair.

I am very glad to see a grassroots pro aging movement growing. Ageism is unhealthy for all of us. It's time for each one of us to develop effective strategies to counter it.

I don't want to fight aging. The mere idea tires me out. I want to enjoy this time of life in ways that feel fulfilling. We will age; it's just a question of how we will do it. As Grufferman points out in her article, it's possible to embrace your age AND to place your attention on being fit, healthy and attractive. They are not mutually exclusive. Putting all of one's attention on trying to pass for young could even mean that one is so busy with outer appearances, one doesn't take the time to engage in some of the meaningful inner work of later life. This is a sure-fire recipe for avoiding wisdom. I myself would rather place my attention on becoming at least somewhat wiser as I age. What about you? What is your vision of aging?