Content in My Own Company

I'm happy to be a contributor to Dr. Carol Orsborn's digest Fierce with Age. Dr. Orsborn is someone I have been getting to know better as we share notes and strategies in the work we each do in the field of aging.

In her latest issue of Fierce with Age she focuses on the themes of loneliness, being alone and choosing solitude. She included an excerpt of my book Songs of the Inner Life, in which I reflect upon being solitary and content with that. Click the link above to read the excerpt and the other contributions. Her digests are always worthwhile reading.

I find that I am content in my own company. This must be what I need at this time in my life. My daughters are grown. I’ve been single for over a decade, and I’m sailing toward 70. I don’t know if I will live till the morning or until I’m 80. But I do know I am in the winter of my life. And that gives everything I experience and want an edge.” - See more at: http://fiercewithage.com/digest-of-boomer-wisdom-inspiration-spirituality-20/#sthash.OldJFoAa.dpuf

Loneliness can be a problem as we age. It's important for our well-being to cultivate some dear friends, engage in some meaningful activities in groups we enjoy and find ways to come out into the community to share and contribute.

What are your methods for staying connected? Are you content in your own company, or do you find that you are lonely more than content?

Issues like loneliness are something that I help clients with in my Retirement and Inspirement Coaching practice.  Sessions can be done in person or long distance via Skype. I use a variety of tools, which may include rapid eye therapy, hypnotherapy, EFT (tapping), CCT (energy work), meditation and creativity exercises.

I love this exhuberant image of Albert Einstein and I resonate with what he has to say about play.

Play is an antidote for depression and loneliness.

Play naturally uplifts the spirit, activates the endorphins to increase joy, galvanizes creativity, sparks flexibility and spontaneity and increases well-being.

Play is good for us at any age. What kind of play do you enjoy most in your life?

What kind of play would you like to bring into your life?

P.S. 

If you are in Oregon's Rogue Valley, join me as I read from my new book Songs of the Inner Life at the Ashland Library on Monday August 5th at 6:30pm.

Childhood is finished, adolescence long gone, early adulthood and middle age, vanished. Yet even into my late forties, I held onto the hope that by some special magic provided to myself alone I would escape aging, not to mention dying, that somehow, I would be borne along on the beneficent stream of time, nicely preserved at a pleasant age, say 30 or so, hair all shiny black, body slender, with the smooth skin of relative youth. What a struggle it was, surrendering that fantasy. It took years of releasing, mourning and grieving. I ‘m not saying it’s completely done yet.  But much of it has lifted off.
I find that I am content in my own company. This must be what I need at this time in my life. My daughters are grown. I’ve been single for over a decade, and I’m sailing toward 70. I don’t know if I will live till the morning or until I’m 80. But I do know I am in the winter of my life. And that gives everything I experience  and want an edge.
The Universe continues to be generous, there is no doubt about it.  I have found it worthwhile to have a sense of humor about its abundance. Once in awhile, I have the urge to go up to the top of the nearby mountain and just shout “J’accepte! J’accepte already!” as loud as I can, in the hope that the Universe will reconsider my case, and speaking to itself as I’m sure it does, might say, “I think she has learned her cosmic lesson, don’t you?” and lighten up on the red hot lava flow it kindly sends me from time to time in its infinitely wise way. However, I suspect that I am still not finished being smelted in this particular crucible. J’accepte, j’accepte, smiling. J’accepte in whatever mood or circumstance. I am learning acceptance. So far, I have discovered that it is not pushing away.  It is not giving up. It is just allowing things to be as they are.
How ironic it is. That’s what I think when I remember this time. Wanting to expand out into more spacious experience, then shrinking up in fear at the enormous power of it. How safe it seems to stay with what is familiar, rather than taking the leap into the unknown. I wanted the big mythic knowledge, and I wanted to hang onto my little self. That was my struggle. I grappled with it as I lived my ordinary hours and days, sweeping the clearing in front of the cabin, making dinner, walking out on the mesa with the wind making waves in the tall grass, looking at the stars, having affairs, studying healing, swimming, writing poetry, working at the general store in Bolinas, that sweet refuge of a village, one of the most beautiful places I’ve had the pleasure to inhabit.…
Nor can I report that I have finished the work of letting go of the little self. I wish I could say that. Then again, if I were done, would I be bragging about it? No, I would be way past bragging about my accomplishments, spiritual or otherwise.  I think that when that time comes, it will be a blessed relief. Or maybe by then the idea of blessed relief will be in the past, too.
For more on Songs of the Inner Life, click HERE

- See more at: http://fiercewithage.com/contributors/guest-blog-by-gaea-yudron/#sthash.6Xi8Zsda.dpuf

Childhood is finished, adolescence long gone, early adulthood and middle age, vanished. Yet even into my late forties, I held onto the hope that by some special magic provided to myself alone I would escape aging, not to mention dying, that somehow, I would be borne along on the beneficent stream of time, nicely preserved at a pleasant age, say 30 or so, hair all shiny black, body slender, with the smooth skin of relative youth. What a struggle it was, surrendering that fantasy. It took years of releasing, mourning and grieving. I ‘m not saying it’s completely done yet.  But much of it has lifted off.
I find that I am content in my own company. This must be what I need at this time in my life. My daughters are grown. I’ve been single for over a decade, and I’m sailing toward 70. I don’t know if I will live till the morning or until I’m 80. But I do know I am in the winter of my life. And that gives everything I experience  and want an edge.
The Universe continues to be generous, there is no doubt about it.  I have found it worthwhile to have a sense of humor about its abundance. Once in awhile, I have the urge to go up to the top of the nearby mountain and just shout “J’accepte! J’accepte already!” as loud as I can, in the hope that the Universe will reconsider my case, and speaking to itself as I’m sure it does, might say, “I think she has learned her cosmic lesson, don’t you?” and lighten up on the red hot lava flow it kindly sends me from time to time in its infinitely wise way. However, I suspect that I am still not finished being smelted in this particular crucible. J’accepte, j’accepte, smiling. J’accepte in whatever mood or circumstance. I am learning acceptance. So far, I have discovered that it is not pushing away.  It is not giving up. It is just allowing things to be as they are.
How ironic it is. That’s what I think when I remember this time. Wanting to expand out into more spacious experience, then shrinking up in fear at the enormous power of it. How safe it seems to stay with what is familiar, rather than taking the leap into the unknown. I wanted the big mythic knowledge, and I wanted to hang onto my little self. That was my struggle. I grappled with it as I lived my ordinary hours and days, sweeping the clearing in front of the cabin, making dinner, walking out on the mesa with the wind making waves in the tall grass, looking at the stars, having affairs, studying healing, swimming, writing poetry, working at the general store in Bolinas, that sweet refuge of a village, one of the most beautiful places I’ve had the pleasure to inhabit.…
Nor can I report that I have finished the work of letting go of the little self. I wish I could say that. Then again, if I were done, would I be bragging about it? No, I would be way past bragging about my accomplishments, spiritual or otherwise.  I think that when that time comes, it will be a blessed relief. Or maybe by then the idea of blessed relief will be in the past, too.
For more on Songs of the Inner Life, click HERE

- See more at: http://fiercewithage.com/contributors/guest-blog-by-gaea-yudron/#sthash.6Xi8Zsda.dpuf

Guest Blog by Gaea Yudron

Guest Blog by Gaea Yudron

Guest Blog by Gaea Yudron

Book Reading and Signing

Songs of the Inner Life
Book reading and signing
with author Gaea Yudron
Ashland Library's Gresham Room
Monday, August 5th, 6:30-8PM

Gero-Punk Project Guest Blog, and a great reader comment, too

Jenny Sasser, who is the head of the gerontology department at Marylhurst University in Portland, sent out a call for guest bloggers, which I answered. I've been wanting to become better acquainted with Jenny, and it seemed like a good way to start. My guest blog is titled "Something Got Ahold of Me!" It was published yesterday. In it, I talk about A New Wrinkle, our musical revue on aging--what inspired me to develop it, topics we cover, and songs in the revue. I was glad to share that on Jenny's blog, and look forward to further conversation and collaboration with Jenny and others who are involved in the field of aging and creativity in the Portland area.

I received a wonderful reader comment on my new book the other day from artist Diane Lea, who wrote,

"I have just finished your book and I am touched beyond words. I am in awe of your ability to transport the reader into your deepest intimate memories and experiences in a most eloquent but yet"comfortable" way. There is so much that is familiar and so much that touches me in places that are unknown. I am envious of your relationship with your father. I did not have that. I too often felt like a lost little girl. Then there is your spiritual journey, which sounds quite special. I'm still floundering in that area. Thank you for sharing the songs of your inner life. I feel like you have spoken directly to my soul and I am inspired to continue this most amazing exploration called aging."

 

Stories from the First Week in July

Fireflies, a small boat on a river. Lantern light. Stillness. The magic of summer darkness. An idyllic scene that appeals to me for many reasons--the picturesque boat, the still openness of the river, the mystery of the night and of course, the fireflies.

We have no fireflies in Oregon, sadly enough. In my childhood summers on the east coast, the big jar of dark summer evenings always contained their magical dances.

It's July 4th, and the big, wackily original parade will be starting in an hour or so. I've attended many, many Ashland parades. I'm just not in the mood this morning. So I sit here drinking my coffee in the quietly pokey little town of Phoenix where I survey the back garden, hoping that today will be cooler. The heat has been on here with temperatures over 100, and it would be quite delightful if it cooled down a bit.

Dr. Rick Moody, the gerontologist/author who is a mentor to me, tells me to find ways to "get in front of people" as he puts it. Turns out that getting in front of people is one of the things I love most to do. That's one reason why my book reading on June 28th was sweet. The other reason is that I knew most of the people who attended quite well and it was great to experience all of them in one room. I began with some wordless singing, (which is one of my very favorite things to do--singing, wordlessly and improvisationally--an unusual form of vocal expression and a topic unto itself) talked about aging, read from Songs of the Inner Life and gave away a few door prizes--a book, an audacious aging kit and a copy of the preview CD from A New Wrinkle. Afterwards, some folks made fascinating comments about what I had read, and then of course, people bought books and I signed them. Quite refreshing, especially considering who attended--some of my dearest and most favorite people.

I will be doing another reading on August 3rd at the Ashland Library, sponsored by Friends of the Library. I love presenting at the library.

I wanted to share a few things that I enjoyed this week. Two of them are essays, and one is a film.
A friend posted on Facebook this wonderful essay by Danielle Prohom Olson which appears in her Body Divine Yoga blog. The essay is titled: The Great Belly: A Yogini's Lament.  

In it, Olson talks about how our attitudes about the female belly have changed drastically. In ancient times, the female belly was honored as a chalice of fertility and abundance. As Olson points out, today we want abs and flat bellies.

I used to have a belly so flat that when I lay down my hipbones stuck up in a rather alarming manner. Now, however, I resemble the earth, because I have a bulge at the equator. My belly is ample in other words.

Yes, sometimes I mourn the loss of my very slender body, and the time when I actually had a waist. I like being pregnant with wisdom, but does it all have to settle in the belly? That's my little joke about it. Olson's essay points out the positive qualities of the belly and the ways in which we have forgotten its sacred nature.

She writes, "The belly is home to our body centered wisdom – our gut knowing, our instinct for self-preservation. So what does it mean to us as women that the life affirming presence of the belly has been replaced by a flat fat-less concave expanse between protruding hip-bones?"

In her essay she points out that we actually have two brains--one in the head and one in the belly. These days, most of our attention goes to the brain, ignoring the belly's knowing.  "Because while the brain rules thinking and doing, it is the abdomen, the gut that is the center of being. And what we have lost is our connection to that most feminine aspect of being – feeling. This is not a metaphoric claim, but a physiological fact."

There's more juicy stuff in that essay and you can read it all by clicking the link above, if the spirit moves you.

Another essay I enjoyed this week is Why I'm Giving Up the Anti-Aging Battle by Portland, Oregon writer Kristen Forbes.

 

In her essay, Forbes talks about how fear of aging is instilled into girls from adolescence on. She writes, “Anti-aging” is my least favorite term in the English language. It may as well be anti-human. Anti-reality. Anti-the-normal-course-of-human-existence. I see the commercials touting the virtues of youth and I understand their appeal, but I still find them disturbing. My stomach churns when I see that overused image of the hands on a clock turning backwards."

She continues, "The older I get, the more I’m told that in order to be more attractive (and therefore more successful and more admired), I must be more youthful... I should get makeup advice from women who are still in high school or college. I should downplay the significance of wisdom that accompanies aging and instead recognize the importance of perpetually looking and acting like a 15-year-old girl."

"Maybe it’s because I work at a retirement center. Maybe it’s because I’m with residents in their 80s and 90s every day. Maybe it’s because I witness the fragility of the end of life on a daily basis and I can assure you that if you make it that far, wrinkle cream will be the least of your worries."

Then Forbes gives us the punch line and asks the big question. "Getting old is a natural part of life. Getting wrinkles is natural. Sagging skin is natural. Thinning hair is natural. Why do we fight so hard against the things that are just a natural part of life?"

Why do we? I've certainly been exploring this in the songs that comprise A New Wrinkle, our musical revue on aging. I loved both of these essays and the landscapes they explore.

This week I went to pick up a foreign film to watch. It turned out that I had already seen The Wind Journeys or  Los viajes del viento, a 2009 Film Movement offering.  Watching it a second time, I relaxed into it even more fully, and greatly enjoyed it. If you need a fast paced film, this one is not for you. It is slow. Gorgeously filmed in 84 amazing natural locations in Columbia, the film tells the story of  Ignacio Carrillo an older man who spent most of his life traveling the villages of northern Colombia, playing traditional songs on his accordion-- a legendary instrument said to have once belonged to the devil.

After the death of his wife, Carillo decides to return the accordian to his old maestro. He sets out on a real hero's journey,  accompanied by a young man named Fermin, who longs to become a troubador like Ignacio. Their adventures, the landscapes they traverse and the final scenes at the home of the maestro--all are mystical, austere and moving.

Well, that is my report for now. I just finished writing an article I plan to send to Jenny Sasser for possible inclusion in her Gero-Punk Project blog. Jenny is the director of the gerontology program at Marylhurst College in Portland. A nationally recognized expert in the study of aging,  Jenny co-authored the textbook Aging Concepts and Controversies, seventh edition. My mentor Rick Moody is the other author.

Enjoy the holiday! Enjoy all the various levels of freedom we experience with each breath.

Solstice Full Moon: Gracias a la Vida!

It's a sultry Sunday morning here, with predictions of rain.  Rain is unusual at this time of year in southern Oregon. I hope it does rain. That would be refreshing.  When I walked out into the front garden with my coffee earlier,  it seemed that the bees in the big tree across the street were really humming, much more loudly than usual. Maybe they are celebrating the solstice and full moon!

I am glad that we have a happy bee hive up in that tree, glad to hear the sound of the bees, woodpeckers, doves, blue jays, crows and various songbirds, glad for the big trees, those protective guardians of the place. I've been in this cottage for nearly 2 years and it is a wonderful refuge, a peaceful container for my life.

I went to a garden party yesterday at the home of Philip Booth and Laura Rich, the dear friend who has been my collaborator for the past 4 years as we develop A New Wrinkle, our musical revue. (What a glorious day it will be when we are sitting in the audience watching that revue be performed in its premier run.)

Laura and Philip have a beautiful place and their gardens are really lovely, full of flowers, herbs and many kinds of vegetables and trees. The group that gathered for the party was relaxed and amiable, the weather was great and the vegetarian food, much of which came from Laura and Philip's garden, was inspired.

We sat outside at several tables that were set up in the midst of the beautifully thick lawn. It was idyllic. I am glad for friends, the beauty of Nature, the warmth of this summer season, for life itself. Gracias a la vida! Thanks for this life.

I love tuning into the phases of the moon. Last night, we had a thick cloud cover, so the nearly full moon was hidden. It may be hidden tonight, too.

But perhaps you will see it where you live. I hope you do.

I'm preparing for my upcoming book party on June 27th in Ashland and also am broadening my connections with others working in the field of positive aging. I love this part of building Sage's Play's programs and work--connecting with new folks, learning about their lives and the programs they are involved in is a great deal of fun, and forming friendships and partnerships strengthens our common vision as we develop new ways of engaging with aging.

On the positive aging front, here's two interesting items that caught my attention recently:

An enjoyable New York Times article on relaxing into gray hair.
An inspiring article on a woman graduating from college at 85.

I find more and more articles these days about older adults who are wonderful role models of how to age happily. That's good news for all of us.

There is a big open space at the end of this post.....you can fill it in with your imagination....create what you want most for yourself, for this life, for this world.

Sending you a smile and wishing you a beautiful day.

Celebrating Songs of the Inner Life

My new book Songs of the Inner Life is now available at amazon.com, and will soon be out in Kindle format, too. 

It feels very good to be sending this book out into the world. I am glad that I accomplished this part of my creative aging/follow your bliss/do what makes you happy/share your gifts work. 

Now I have developed the Audacious Aging Kit and published the book. Next, it's finishing the musical revue A New Wrinkle and getting it produced and promoted.

There is plenty of reason to celebrate! I plan to start what will probably be a stream of celebrating with a reading and book signing in Ashland on June 28th. Other gatherings to share passages from the book will happen later this summer and fall.  

I really look forward to these--they will certainly be fun, instructive and who knows what-all else. It is a new adventure. 

I have received some emails from folks who tell me that I inspire them. How wonderful! If I do, I am glad. One woman wrote to say that I encourage her to continue to grow and develop. That makes me very happy. I want to inspire people and to encourage them to live into their dreams and share their gifts.

On another note, I have no marketing plan for Songs of the Inner Life. Should I be confessing this?  Isn't a solid marketing and promotional plan an essential aspect of sharing a book? Maybe, maybe not. For many reasons, I have not invested time and energy in developing one.

What was it like in the past, before the extreme promo buzz habits of today? Books went out into the culture through the author's activities and by word of mouth among readers, plus some newspaper coverage. That's the way it will be with Songs of the Inner Life with a splash of Facebook and LinkedIn thrown into the mix. 

Of course, a book wants readers! I invite you to read about the book on amazon.com and if it strikes a chord in you, buy a copy, read it and spread the word about its stories and messages. 

Funny Business 

Have you ever connected with humorist Jeanne Robertson?  The link here will take you to her YouTube videos. She is in her 60s and had a successful career as a corporate speaker before she began to create herself anew as a humorist. I like many of her talks, including the one about not bungee jumping naked. See if they get you laughing. I often find myself laughing out loud when I watch her routines.  

Links I Like

Two groups I follow on Facebook are EngAGE and Growing Bolder. Both post many interesting  stories and profiles of outstanding elders. If you use FB, you may find you like following the news they share, too.

Ciao for now, with wishes that your summer be a delightful experience. I always love hearing from you via email, FB or comments on the blog. Thanks for keeping in touch and take good care of yourself.

Personas at Play

“The purpose of poetry is to remind us how difficult it is to remain just one person, for our house is open, there are no keys in the doors, and invisible guests come in and out at will.”--Czeslaw Milosz

 

None of us really is just one person, though these days, our culture does its best to flatten everything out, including the diversity of our personhood.

I suppose that many people think of themselves as just one person, and dismiss or suppress any evidence that there may be a host of characters hidden within, a fascinating collection of archetypes and personas.

Of course, it is convenient to appear as one person, and it may be reassuring, both to oneself and to others. But it is also rather dull in ways, don't you think?  All those  soul imprints and imaginative figures just sitting around like stuffed animals in a toy store, rather than having the chance to express themselves in the play of life.

I like to explore the archetypes and personas that pass through me or live in me. Poetry and memoir have been ways that I've walked into that territory. So has singing and performing. In each of these creative expressions, I find that various voices, personas and subpersonalities begin to emerge. Of course, they emerge in nighttime dreams, too.

Sometimes I like to play with them. Here, I'll share a recent jaunt with you. I got into it when I began to think about having some fun with the buttons in the Audacious Aging Kit I just developed. I went to visit photographer Helga Motley and she took a few pictures of them. There are others, too, but these will have to do for now.


 


Long ago, as you will recall, The Girl with the Pearl Earring was young and quite lovely. Wearing her signature earring and headdress, she was immortalized by the painter Vermeer.

Decades later, she wasn't as serious as she had been in her younger days.

She had exchanged the pearl earring for a coral earring and put on another headdress entirely.

She pinned some buttons on her headdress in order to communicate a few things that were now important to her. One said BOLD, another said, Yes, I am experienced and the third said Audacious Aging.

She didn't think like that when she was younger. In fact, she realized that she had become an entirely different person from the girl she was when Vermeer painted her.

This is my friend Lola, sometimes known as Lulu.
She usually wears clothes that are much more outrageous, but she was going for a basic black kind of look here.

She gets me into trouble at times, as she has a rather forthright way of expressing herself. This is an understatement.

Don't let that classical get-up fool you.  She is anything but.....

Baba Yaga, the magical hag, from Slavic folklore, is someone that I have been hanging out with for years.

Sometimes it's good to have a friend that is ancient, terrifying and quite powerful. She can teach you how to be that way, too, if she takes a liking to you.

I think that she is trying to smile here. She wants to look normal for the camera. She tries to adapt to current styles when she shows up in the modern world by wearing dreadlocks.

She usually lives deep in the forest of the ancient ones in a house that stands on chicken legs and twirls around and around, keeping an eye out on everything.

So as you may imagine, with that kind of house as a sign of everything else she is and does, she has quite a lifestyle.

This is not the way she usually looks, actually. It's almost as if she has had plastic surgery or something, though she is definitely not a being who thinks 60 is the new 30.

She is keeping her Mother of All Hags look under wraps. Probably for the best, at least for now.