The Benefits of Aging Naturally

The other day Dominique Browning's article The Case for Laugh Lines appeared in the New York Times, eliciting a variety of responses from readers. Browning's article, which is a real delight to read, focuses on the cosmetic surgery fetish, the fight people put up about aging, the surgery they choose as a weapon and the frozen and sometimes tragic faces that result.

In her article, Browning suggests we have gone to far in our attempts to deny the imprint of time on our faces and bodies. As the model Daphne Self noted in my last blog here, cosmetic surgery does not stop us from aging. I tried to post a comment to Browning's article and included some lines from Passing for Young, one of the songs in my musical revue, but the comment never was posted. I must have transgressed some New York Times posting rule, but I do not know what it was. This is part of what I was trying to share from the song.

Once upon a time not so very long ago
Blacks they passed for white and
Gays they passed for straight
And speaking in the latest tongue
Ringing all bells that can be rung
I’m going to pass for young.
What, is it wrong? No way!

70’s the new 50
60’s the new 40
50’s the new 30
Turn back the clocks!
Botox! Restylane!
Body shaping liposuction
A little nip, a little tuck, a little surgery
And you’ll evade time’s tyranny.

Look at my face
Does it sag or does it flap?
If wrinkles give me character
I say, erase, erase!
I don’t want to look like Rumplestiltskin
Even if it rhymes with Paris Hilton!
I’m going to pass for young because
70’s the new 50
60’s the new 40
50’s the new 30
Botox Restylane
Body shaping fat reduction
You can have a little liposuction
Turn back the clocks!

The two happy people in the photo above haven't had any work done. They are just aging naturally. When I get too myopic about the peculiar views of our culture, I like to remind myself that most people on the planet are aging naturally. They are not getting cosmetic surgery. Their issues about aging are quite different from those of the frozen face persuasion. Organizations like HelpAge which focuses on age discrimination and poverty and Global Aging which focuses on human rights for older people are two of the organizations that address some of the issues that affect many older adults on the planet.

Here we are, fortunate beings who are growing old in places that are relatively affluent and peaceful, compared to many places on earth. We have the opportunity and freedom to use these later years for personal and spiritual growth, community engagement, social change and creative expression. It's a shame to waste that freedom by constricting the potential for these years to an obsession with passing for young.

Accepting aging as a natural part of life is life-affirming. Aging naturally has the potential to increase our contentment and positive self image. I'm not trying to talk you out of a face lift or coloring your hair. Those are not my choices but I'm not intent on limiting your choices. I'm just suggesting that outer appearances are only one aspect of human life. I'm suggesting that the wrinkles are just fine and that we appreciate the real richness that presents itself in later life and make good use of it with a fair amount of joy and gusto.

I decided a couple of months ago to drop some weight. One of my old friends emailed me awhile back and told me that he had decided that he'd rather be a skinny old guy than a fat one. I kept thinking about that comment and decided I agreed. I don't want to be skinny but thinner. I have lost about 10 pounds so far by eating less and eating fewer carbohydrates. I am enjoying the process and it feels good to be getting lighter. I've noticed when I look in the mirror that my face is finally acquiring more wrinkles, especially when I laugh or smile, which I like to do often. All I've done is live 70 years, which is saying plenty.

What are your attitudes toward aging naturally? Would love to hear about them.

Artist's Life update: just sent in my application to Oregon Literary Fellowship. It would of course be wonderful to receive a grant from them. I'm enjoying working on three projects--my musical revue A New Wrinkle, for which we are creating a promo CD, my book Songs of the Inner Life, and a new book project on inspiring elders. These will keep me busy for at least 2 years. What are you working on?

And the sun is finally out today!

The Ravages of Time: Taking Things at Face Value

When my daughter Sophia and I got together for brunch to celebrate my 70th birthday, she gave me a birthday card which bore this image of an old native American woman.
"Isn't she beautiful?" Sophia asked as I gazed at the photo. "Yes, she is," I replied. I certainly am very glad I have a daughter who has a capacity not only to see beauty in a diverse way but also to appreciate the beauty of the aged. The beauty of the woman in the photo has much to do with her innate dignity, her character and the life she lived, which from the looks of her eyes, had its share of sorrow. Her face is not what most people would call beautiful, affected as many of us are by commercialized, homogenized ideas of beauty. Her beauty points up the ravages of time, how life imprints itself on us, on our faces and bodies. It invites an exploration of what's more than skin deep. The photo was taken by Milton Rogovin,well-known as a social documentary photographer.
Rogovin passed away in January 2011 at 101 years of age. He took wonderful photos of minorities and poor, overlooked people--including native Americans, Mexicans, Chileans, working class people in Buffalo, NY, miners in Appalachia, Scotland and France--and more. His work over decades illuminates social issues and the common struggle of the working poor. Beautiful work. Well worth contemplating.

I posted this photo of the beautiful 82-year old British model Daphne Selfe on Facebook the other day. Selfe is in high demand these days. Her career was so-so until she hit her 70s. Then she appeared in Red or Dead, a show put on by London Fashion Week, and it's been uphill for her career ever since. She claims her long grey hair is the secret behind it, but I think her cheekbones and eyes and lithe body are doing their share, too. Selfe does yoga to keep fit, eats large amounts of fruits, vegetables and fish, drinks plenty of water and says she doesn’t feel a day over 60. She has never had cosmetic surgery.

"Your face is your history," she commented. "If you have a few lines, it's your life that you've lived, and people should embrace that. Some [models] want to alter themselves and I hear talk about getting all this wretched cosmetic surgery done, but I don't want to do that myself as it costs too much, it might go wrong and what's the point? It won't stop you from getting old."

I celebrate her beauty, health and her late-life success. Of course, though each of us has unique, innate beauty, few of us were ever as "classically" beautiful as the lovely Daphne Selfe. The rest of us, women and men both, are challenged to come to terms with the ravages of time on our less than super-model faces and bodies. Older women are especially ridiculed, and older men have to bear the brunt of a great deal of scorn, too. Let's do what we can to expect and create a more generous definition of beauty, including the beauty of the aged. Please don't internalize these toxic prejudices about age being ugly. It's not good for the health of the body or soul.

Our culture applauds "active aging." Sometimes this lifestyle seems so hyped up I call it hyper-active aging. It's trendy to spotlight elders who are doing extraordinary work in their later lives, ignoring everyone else who don't fit these high-visibility standards. The overall presumption is--how amazing that these older people are still able to do this or that.

In this Sage's Play blog, I also spotlight exceptional elders, in the spirit of sharing wonderful models of aging. Do I sometimes seem like a cheerleader who focuses only on the positive aspects of aging and the creative, artistic, social and scientific accomplishments of elders, without ever stopping to mention the obvious?

The obvious is that our bodies are aging. We are mortal; we will die at some point. As Rain pointed out in a recent exchange of comments on this blog, we have to do the best with what we have. That's true at any time of life, and it is more obvious as we age. We have to pay more attention to diet, exercise and rest. We have to shepherd our energies each day. We may have to deal with illness or pain or loss. Age involves a fair amount of loss. On that level, growing old is not for sissies. There is a lot of demanding emotional and spiritual work that is part of the aging process. And it is all practice for "laying down one's mantle" as they say in gospel songs.

I've been a Buddhist for over 30 years, and my spiritual practice has included contemplating old age, sickness and death. Not popular subjects for many in our culture. To me, they seem like essential topics, especially as one ages.

Age is a time of life for going deeper, for stripping away, for letting go, for loving even more than ever, for sharing the bounty of what we've learned, for leaving a legacy. It's a profound territory, and it demands courage, creativity and trust. Solitude. Slowness. In the midst of my creative work, I make time for meditation, exercise, prayer rest and just doing-nothing. Here's to the blessing of living long. As Rain points out it is a mixed blessing. It's not all a bed of roses. Parts of aging are full of tribulation. And it's up to us to meet life open-hearted, to work our soul alchemy with whatever arises.

Wildflowers, creativity and wild wise elders

The wildflowers are in bloom here, even though it has been a remarkably chilly, wet spring. I found these beautiful blue flowers on a walk up in the watershed above Ashland about a week ago. Now if it would just warm up enough to make a visit to the swimming pool at the hot springs seem feasible....

The promo CD for our musical revue A New Wrinkle has been engaging us at Dave Scoggin's recording studio. With no musical education or training, I am out of my element. But that doesn't stop me from enjoying the whole experience as Laura Rich and Dave work together on creating the right sounds and feeling. Dave is using a synthesizer to create most of the instruments. We're bringing in a live violinist though, because even though a synthesizer can do a lot of wonderful things, it just can't reproduce the sound of a violin well at all. We will add the voices last. It's exciting that this project is progressing. Even though I wish it were done yesterday or even 6 months ago. My mother always used to tell me that patience is a virtue.

I gave a talk titled "Let's Re-Imagine Aging" at the Ashland Library yesterday, which was a rainy, chilly Sunday. I discussed our society's toxic stereotypes about aging, noting that ageism affects older adults both physically and psychologically. With so many demeaning and scornful images and stereotypes proliferating, some older adults appear to become apologetic as a way of life. Some in my audience yesterday seemed shocked when I compared this to the kind of shuffling apologetic behavior that characterized stereotyped portrayals of "blackies." Any type of prejudice results in its subjects developing feelings of inferiority. People internalize the prejudice, often unconsciously. Caricatures start to have a life of their own.

I can get pretty passionate about why ageism needs to be eradicated. It is such a blight on all of us, not just older people. And it keeps older adults from fulfilling their potential, holding them back on many levels.

Of course, I also spoke about age as a valuable stage of human development, discussed current research about the mature mind, the relationship between creativity and well-being, and the opportunity to continue to learn and grow and deepen as we age. The conversation after the talk was enthusiastic and ranged over a wide variety of topics. Older adults just do not have a lot of opportunity to talk together in this way. It was a very interesting couple of hours. I hope I did inspire and provoke some positive change. Afterwards, I had some tea with someone I've known for many years, though we have never spent any time together. It made me happy to hear about her life and get to know her a little better.

I read a wonderful article the other day in the New York Times about Bel Kaufman, author of Up the Down Staircase, a novel about the challenges and joys of teaching in New York City; the book remained on the New York Times bestseller list for 64 weeks. Ms. Kaufman, now 100, is an adjunct professor. She just taught a course at Hunter College on Jewish humor, which may be in her blood, since she is the granddaughter of the great Yiddish storyteller Sholem Aleichem. She likes dancing the mambo and the tango, and she seems to be surprised that people make such a fuss about her age, though she does acknowledge that she survived a lot.

Since I began writing this blog, I have featured a variety of wonderful elders, including dancer Anne Halprin, explorer Anthony Smith, yoga teacher Tao Porchon-Lynch, sculptor Vollis Simpson, poet Maya Angelou and track star Olga Kotelko, among others. All of them are at least 70 and some over 90. What do they have in common? Each of them is inspired. They have a sense of purpose. They are passionate, whether it is about writing poetry, dancing, sailing across the Atlantic on a raft, teaching, or making immense sculptures out of welded metal. (If you want to catch up on reading about these wonderful folks, check out past entries of this blog.)

My artist friend Betsy was telling me the other day that she thought I should write a blog about chaos. But today is not going to be the day for it. Sorry Betsy. Even though tomorrow is a full moon.

I do agree with Steve Martin when he says,

"Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is."

I like what Bob Dylan said, too.

"I accept chaos, I'm not sure whether it accepts me."

Happy full moon!

Elders in denial, passing for young...and meanwhile spring has come!

I've been enjoying my recent talks with chiropractor John Kalb who is about to publish a new book titled "Winning at Aging" next month. I will review the book when it is published. John is a wonderful man who has been part of the New Warrior community for years. It makes me very glad to know that men have the opportunity to participate in this kind of training, which is described as a process of modern male initiation and self examination. You can find out more at the ManKind Project.

In our last conversation, John told me that the New Warrior community uses the acronym EID (elder in denial) for men who have not accepted the truth that they have entered the elder phase of life.

Elder in denial. What an apt description. So many older adults continue to try to pass for young. I like to imagine what it would/will be like when most older people in our culture relax into the gathering of years, rather than battling the onset of age as many now do.

What does it mean to be an elder? The word has far more potency than the word senior, which has been tainted with a variety of disempowering connotations. Nice old people. Senior discounts. Senior programs. Senior housing. Keep the seniors in the box.

But elders are out of that box. To become a real elder is to assume a role of natural authority in one's community, a role that includes mentoring, teaching, visioning and leaving a meaningful legacy. An elder not only accepts his or her gathering of years, but embraces aging as a powerful part of life's journey.

Where are you placing yourself in that continuum? How are you sharing and visioning and mentoring these days? What kind of legacy are you creating? These are questions I ask myself often.

I'm still learning more lessons from my recent standing room only Sage's Play event, "A Celebration of Aging." There are usually lessons to learn and this was no exception. It was raggedy in ways. Things didn't always hang together. But in spite of that, overall it was uplifting and there were some truly shining moments. I am very happy that so many older people gathered to hear the pro-aging messages that we presented there with previews of some of the songs from A New Wrinkle and in the presentations others shared. The celebration inspired many audience members to look at themselves and the opportunities of aging. Check out the marvelous speech that Dr. Rick Kirschner gave that night at his Art of Change blog.

And as far as I'm concerned, it was a great way to celebrate becoming 70. A real love-in of many dear old friends and some brand new ones, too.

Hey, what about comedienne Betty White? The New York Times just ran a wonderful article on her life and career as an actress. Now in her 80s, she is a wonderful example of why passion, purpose, motivation and mission continues to be important as we age.

Of course, there are as many ways to express purpose, passion, vision, lovingkindness, creativity and motivation as there are humans to embody them. It doesn't always take the form of outer work or display. Some people's elderhood unfolds through quietude, solitary contemplation and stillness. I often feature older adults whose lives and work involves expressive, active engagement and creativity, and I believe it's important to acknowledge the more inward aspects of aging, and the value of stillness, life review and immersion in the inner life.

Meanwhile, spring is springing forth. At last. Ahhh....

P.S.--if you would like to connect with ongoing Sage's Play news and events, please visit our Sage's Play website and sign up for our monthly newsletter. For those of you in the southern Oregon region, I am giving a free talk at the Ashland Library on Sunday May 15th at 2PM. It is titled "Let's Re-Imagine Aging" and it will include a discussion after the talk.

A Celebration of Aging

A Celebration of Aging, the event I produced on April 23rd, attracted a full house, with standing room only! Of course, that is a cause for celebration. Dr. Rick Kirschner, a bestselling author, speaker and coach, shared some of his insights on the value of aging and positive expressions of aging. His presentation was completely enjoyable-- full of humor and inspiration. Rick is posting a sequence of videos that present his excellent talk on his Art of Change blog. Check in with his continuing comments and reflections on aging over the next week. He makes some great points and tells the story in a very engaging way. Don't miss it.

The audience loved Carolyn Myers' marvelous improv comedy and the beautiful aria from Tosca that Pauline Sullivan sang. My composer colleague Laura Rich did a fabulous job singing one of the songs from A New Wrinkle, Passing for Young. She was decked out in a very funny Barbie the doll-type costume. Why didn't I take any pictures of that? I know Laura's husband did, and I will try to get him to send me a couple of them to share with you soon.

I loved singing Baba Yaga's Raga and I wore wonderful dreadlocks for the occasion. Some audience members told me that the two songs sung by the ensemble were not easy to understand or hear. That was something I was saddened to hear. Have to do much better next time. Organizing the event taught me a great deal. I thought I had gotten over trying to be Superwoman, but apparently not. Next time, I need a stage manager and a director. More rehearsals, including in the performance space. But as spontaneous as the event was at times, it was well received.

Now, we are preparing to develop the promo CD. We'll be working in the recording studio of jazz musician Dave Scoggin. Another new adventure. Wonderful!

Yesterday was my 70th birthday. I had a rather reflective day. I wanted to be quiet. I took a drive to the Applegate River and sat for awhile at its banks. I hung out at the beautiful old McKee Bridge which was built in 1917.






I intend to spend more time in nature in my seventh decade. Isn't the river beautiful? The trees are so delicate as they begin to leaf out, and the river waters are flowing vigorously thanks to the winter snow and rain. I'm at the banks of a beautiful river, contemplating the river of my years.




And on the way back home, I listened to one of the six CDs from The Dangerous Old Woman by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, who wrote the seminal book Women Who Run with the Wolves. This current work The Dangerous Old Woman is a project she has been working on for 30 years. And it's very rich. Highly recommended.





I'm resting after putting out a lot of energy. I'm thinking about the dangerous old woman and man, elders who live with wildness and wisdom. I'm musing about poetry, myth, wildness, danger, protection and magic. About this time of life and its lessons and adventures. About beauty. Illness. Death. Life. The usual topics.

And it's spring. Every year the astounding miracle of rebirth. Here it is again.

A New Wrinkle Makes Front Page News! Plus the Healing Power of Poetry

I was on the phone with a friend this morning when my housemate Louise suddenly appeared with a big grin on her face. What's up? I wondered, immersed in my phone conversation. Then Louise held up a copy of the local paper and pointed to a big picture of composer Laura Rich and I on the front page. Front page! she exclaimed happily. And so it was, a BIG photo and wonderful article about A New Wrinkle and A Celebration of Aging right there on the front page. Pretty darned nice. I am glad for the chance to get some of these ideas about aging out there in my community. Take a look at the article here.

'A New Wrinkle' | DailyTidings.com

This morning before the front page phenomenon entered my reality, I was planning to write something about poetry. It's National Poetry month. I am a lover of poetry. I even love reading what poets have to say about poetry. For example......


Poetry heals the wounds inflicted by reason.
--Novalis
Poetry is the synthesis of hyacinths and biscuits.
--Carl Sandburg
Poetry is language at its most distilled and most powerful.
--Rita Dove
Poetry is what gets lost in translation.
--Robert Frost

What are poets for, in such an age?
What is the use of poetry?
The state of the world calls out for poetry to save it.
--Lawrence Ferlinghetti

Poetry is nearer to vital truth than history.
--Plato
There is poetry as soon as we realize that we possess nothing.
--John Cage
Poetry is all that is worth remembering in life.
--William Hazlitt

I cannot imagine life without poetry which has been a treasure in my life from childhood on. I could never choose one poet as a favorite, any more than I could choose one fiction writer. I love the poetry of Alan Ginsburg, Lawrence Ferlinghetti, Jane Kenyon, Basho, Lorca, Dylan Thomas, Ellen Bass, Anna Swir, Kabir, Hafiz, Anne Waldman, Maya Angelou, Billy Collins, W.B. Yeats, W.H. Auden, Emily Dickinson.

How about this 3-year old's rendition of Billy Collin's poem Litany? I find it quite wonderful. May your days and nights display their innate poetry in patterns and cadences that restore and invigorate you.

Following one's bliss

" What is it that makes you happy? 
Stay with it, no matter what people tell you. 
This is what I call 'Following Your Bliss.'If you do follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you. 


And the life that you ought to be living 
is the one you ARE living.
 Wherever you are, if you are following your bliss, you are enjoying that refreshment 
that lives within you, all the time. When you can see that, you begin to meet people who are in the field of your bliss,
 and they open doors for you. 
I say, follow your bliss and don't be afraid, and doors will open 
where you didn't know they were going to be."
--Joseph Campbell

I spent 4 days recently in group meditation practice at Tashi Choling. It makes me very happy to be there. It is splendid and profoundly meaningful to me. It opens the door to a mythic resonance and brings me back to the vastness, radiance and wisdom that permeate everything. I had the good fortune to help start Tashi Choling over 30 years ago. That place and spiritual community are such a blessing in my life. In terms of following my bliss I put it up there at the top of my list.

News flash--It took decades but I finally realized what I want to be when I grow up. I want to be a deeply positive force and influence, someone who is truly selfless and vastly loving. What chance is there of that in this lifetime? I am laughing a little here. I have a way to go. As anyone who knows me can attest. But that is my pervasive goal and I am at work/play on it every day.

Of course I have other goals and dreams that are apparently more mundane. But it is all interwoven. I remember decades during this life when I wouldn't even ask myself the question "What makes me happy?" because I didn't believe the possibility of creating happiness, of manifesting one's dreams, of following one's bliss. So I have done some work on that over the years. Hallelujah!

Writing this blog makes me happy, though I do wonder who in the world reads it since readers so seldom talk back to me. Who are you anyway? Say something will you please? That would be so nice.

Right now, I am highly engaged in producing A Celebration of Aging on April 23rd, where we will preview some of the songs in my musical revue A New Wrinkle. I love producing events. This one will be quite wonderful. I can feel it. Save the date if you are in the Rogue Valley Oregon area. In order to produce the event, I have to call together and work with a fine group of people. This is such a rich process. I love knowing that you can ask for help and get it. People want to do things together. They support this particular work I am engaged in to catalyze positive change in our society's views on aging.

It makes me happy to be nonlinear and right brain and to trust in my path. It makes me happy to share news of other people's adventures and challenges, like these two stories below I will share with you today.


News on the An-Tiki Voyage
Anthony Smith, the 85-year old captain of An-Tiki and his crew of three men between 56 and 71 successfully completed their 2,800 journey across the Atlantic on April 7th when they reached St. Maartens on their raft made of pipes after 66 days at sea. The expedition was intended to raise awareness about lack of clean water on the planet and to raise money for WaterAid. Read more about it here. The An-Tiki voyage--yet another example of late-life adventure and altruism.

I liked this story from the Guardian about a 91-year old man who took up bodybuilding when he was 85. Charles Eugster told reporters, 'I'm not chasing youthfulness. I'm chasing health...At 85 I had a crisis. I looked at myself in the mirror, and saw an old man. I was overweight, my posture was terrible and there was skin hanging off me. I looked like a wreck.' So he decided to do something about it and that's where his dream led him.

Do you find these stories inspiring? I sure do.

Every moment is fresh. We have the potential to discover or acknowledge what makes us happy and to engage in life in ways that are powerful, restorative and beautiful. It doesn't matter what size the gestures are, whether they are outer or inner. Each of us knows what is best for us when we allow ourselves to drop down into our heart's desire.

What makes you happy? How do you follow your bliss?