Summer bliss waves and creative fireworks

Crater Lake and the Milky Way: Photo by Tiffany Nguyen

                                                                                                                                                                            
Monday, July 6th. The 80th birthday of HH the Dalai Lama.  I celebrate his beautiful presence in this world. He is a being who inspires love in countless people, no matter their religion. What a pristine example of what a human being can be. What an outstanding elder, statesman, pacifist, living Buddhism so fully, so present, so open. I bow to him and thank him. Year after year, I continue to learn from him, no matter where he is, no matter who he is with, always the radiance, the love. It is wonderful.



Oregon is a very beautiful place, and the photo of Crater Lake above shows it in all its glory. The sky these summer nights is utterly marvelous.  I continue to be astounded by its beauty.
 
  
The Healing Waters of Jackson Wellsprings 

If I am at all fortunate tomorrow, I will make my way to Jackson Wellsprings, which to me is one of the best things about Ashland, Oregon.




This is the pool itself. Usually I head there around 9 or 10 when it is quite unpopulated. I love the quiet, the sky, the birds, clouds and of course, the healing waters, a mix of mineral spring water with well water in the big pool.

Here is a statue of Ganesh that sits at the head of the swimming pool there. And the photo below shows one small part of the gardens that sit behind the pool area.

Gardens behind the pool area

A story from long, long ago

I love this photo of Swami Satchidananda sitting with a tiger. Swami Sachidananda was the first holy man I ever saw. I was living in NYC in the 60s and working for Conrad Rooks, who had just made a film called Chappaqua. Rooks was hosting a huge party in a nightclub to celebrate the opening of the film. Satchidananda was in the film and made an appearance at the party. As I wrote in my book Songs of the Inner Life,

"...a man dressed in a long saffron robe walked into the room, walking slowly and gracefully. His long silver-gray hair spread over his shoulders and his long silver-gray beard flowed down over the front of his saffron colored robe. I don't think he looked directly at me as he passed, but I remember his dark, peaceful eyes. I had never seen eyes like those on a living person. The most remarkable thing about him was a golden light that seemed to radiate from his entire body."

Yes, that is something one does not see every day, more's the pity.....

Meanwhile in the laboratory.....
Our new online course on life review, Into the Mystery, has begun and will run through the month of July. Now I am working on developing a one-woman show, which I plan to call Bolder and Wiser....It will include some of the songs from our musical revue A New Wrinkle...Stay tuned....hope all is well with you in this gorgeous time of year.

Old at Heart: Reframing How We Talk about Aging and Being Old

It's not like anything
they compare it to--
the summer moon.
     ----Basho
 

Though that poem has nothing to do with this photo, I had to start out with it. Summer, and we are moving toward the full moon. Glorious. Now let's proceed.

I am a fan of Tao Porchon-Lynch, the nonagenarian yogini and ballroom dancer, whom I have written about before in this blog. She is a wonderful example of vitality and joy in old age.

But what is wrong with this picture, or rather the quote that is included with it? Like Tao, I believe in energy, certainly. Energy. Vitality. Being uplifted. All that.

But I believe in age, too. And isn't Tao's comment a bit off key? To me it is. Perhaps it just needs a few more words. I think it would read better this way.

"I don't believe in stereotypes about age. I believe in tapping into cosmic energy."

I think that is what Tao is wanting to say here. I am sensitive to how words are used about aging. I don't really warm up to being addressed as 74-years young. I will not be happy to be called young at heart. I have live! live! lived! as Auntie Mame exhorted a repressed character to do in the wonderful old flick of that name.

I have 74 years' of life experience. I am old at heart. I don't want somebody who believes that youth is the main stage of life to be telling me I am young at heart. No thanks. Youth is not the pinnacle of life experience necessarily. Perhaps for some it is the peak and everything afterwards is downhill. But for many of us, life after youth contains a great deal of uplift, ecstasy and richness.  I am happy to be old at heart, with everything I know at this age. Which is certainly a great deal more than I knew when I was in my twenties, thirties or forties or even fifties. Just writing that line and taking a brief retrospective reminds me of how I have changed and matured. I am not perfected, but I have certainly changed and matured.

The experience of maturing, the depth a person can come to in maturity is something worth recognizing, not one to deny or ignore. I aspire to more maturity, to being even older at heart. To becoming more altruistic, kind, to having a more integrated, panoramic awareness, to being more loving.

If you have been reading this blog for awhile, you know I am on a campaign to reclaim the word OLD from the trashpile of corrupted words. Old has a lot of power, a lot of rich qualities. Be happy to be old at heart, my friend. Young at heart has delightful qualities. Old at heart is another territory, one whose qualities are deep and worthwhile--let's honor it!

Meanwhile in the Laboratory

"Into the Mystery," the 4-week online course on life review I've developed, will have its virgin run in July. Folks are arriving to register and it is  fun to do the last minute tweaks on the course material, preparing to send it out. Life review is considered one of the important tasks of later life, and I am happy to be able to offer this course, which I plan to offer again online  this winter.

I am developing a talk titled "In Praise of Old Age" and will offer it for the first time on July 12th at the Unity Service in Ashland. Looking forward to this new way of sharing the Sage's Play pro-aging perspective--at churches and synagogues.  And it may be that a song or two from our musical revue A New Wrinkle makes its way into these church presentations. That would be fun, too.

With my focus on connecting with people through their church, one of my current adventures is meeting with ministers and rabbis.  I had a delightful meeting with Nan White, the minister at the Unitarian Church. She is so direct and down to earth. I really liked her. I am looking forward to more conversations about creative aging and aging as a spiritual journey with clergy.

Next week, I am getting together with Daniel Sperry, a cellist. I have never met him, but like the things he shares about music and poetry on Facebook. We are going to play music together, with his cello and my tamboura and voice. I want more singing and music in my life now.

I've been experimenting with Facebook ads. Right now I have one running to let folks know about the Audacious Aging Kit I've developed.  It's a process, it's a process, and one must have patience with the unfolding of it all.

Another event I am offering in July is "The Poetry of Aging" which I will present on July 19th at the Ashland Library. I did a similar event there two or three years ago. In it, I will share poems by many wonderful poets and talk about the experience of aging as a poetic and spiritual journey.

Living here at Kate's place as I am these days is quite wonderful. Though I do find myself in daydreams walking on the streets of Oaxaca at times. Yesterday morning, a beautiful fox darted out at the far end of the garden and darted here and there-- looking for fallen cherries probably--before disappearing. There are many many birds here and the variety of their songs and forms fill my days with delight. The deer appear daily, nibbling this and that and moving on. There are blue dragonflies and red ones, snakes, butterflies, and the old lavender bushes are bursting with bloom at this very moment. The fenced garden is filled with vegetables and flowers. I will take some pictures in a few weeks and share them with you. Every night as I lie in bed I can see the stars in the skylight directly overhead. It is quite glorious. Hope that your summer is glorious, too. Right in this very moment.

In Praise of Oldness: Longevity, Vitality and the Fulfillment of Meaning

Since I returned to Oregon from Mexico in early March, I have plunged back into the creative development of Sage's Play, and in the process of that, I have naturally found myself immersed in contemplating and considering our culture's perspective on oldness, aging and elders.

Desmond Tutu dances at the Dalai Lama's birthday party

"Why does our society believe old people need help?" asks author James Hillman. "They are the ones who would be, in some other society, passing on help to others: teaching skills, telling stories, leading rituals, caring for children. They have a contribution to make, and instead they are segregated as sick people who need to be nursed. This is ridiculous."

With all this I wholeheartedly agree.

When I am sitting here with my Sage's Play hat on, and my Sage's Play glasses on, I am often inspired to sing praises to oldness, to its value, richness, depth, and the essential resonance of oldness, which we find so powerful and comforting. Oldness, staying power, lasting, the accumulated pile of life experience, of knowing, caring, leading, setting a good example, keeping the faith, passing on the old stories, showing how to plant the seeds and cultivate the garden of this life.

Maya Angelou

As I have said before, I believe it would do us all good to create an Elder Hall of Fame!  I have a list of many people I have been collecting and all of them are worthy candidates. Of course there's the Dalai Lama and Bishop Desmond Tutu, both of whom are great examples of sages at play.

And poets Maya Angelou and Stanley Kunitz. Comedian Betty White, along with Yoko Ono, Mick Jagger, Pablo Casals, Pablo Picasso, Bernie Sanders, Tao-Porchon Lynch, teaching yoga in her 90s,  Robert Redford, Leonard Cohen, Jane Goodall, among others. Because I am interested in art, many of the elders I chose are artists of one sort or another.  Who would you want to add to the Elder Hall of Fame if there was one and you were on the panel?

Perhaps you might find it useful, as I have, to take a long look at the old people you admire. What is it that you find most fascinating or touching about them? What kind of oldness do you want to embody? What qualities do you want to continue to cultivate in yourself as you age?

Twyla Tharp

This morning, I listened to a great talk by Ashton Applewhite, a pro-aging activist based in NYC whose work I admire and support. In her talk, Ashton discusses prevalent stereotypes about aging and how they impact older adults and society at large. Because let's face it, not all older people are as clear in their life mission and work as are those I am mentioning here. Many elders find it difficult to push through the age prejudice in our society to contribute their valuable skills and knowledge.

Age discrimination and prejudice are bad for our health and the health of our world. It's as simple as that. You can watch Ashton Applewhite's incisive, information-packed talk on ageism here. I highly recommend it....you can also take a look at her website This Chair Rocks.

Incidentally, I post a lot of great articles and observations about aging on the Sage's Play Facebook page.

Well, that's a collection of links for you to explore...and here is one more,  just for good measure. Have you taken a look at our revamped Sage's Play website? There are some delightful changes and additions you might like to see.

Right now, I am revising Your Audacious Aging Kit and  developing a new e-course titled Into the Mystery: The Healing Power of Memoir and Life Review. I feel rejuvenated and filled with fresh inspiration from my sojourn in Mexico. Stay tuned...and enjoy the magic of the approaching full moon!

Healing Power of Memoir and Life Review, Septuagenarian Vitality and more....

 I am a big fan of Dr. Bill Thomas's work to provide  liveable alternatives to what we currently call nursing homes. Dr. Thomas does this pioneering work through The Eden Alternative and The Green House Project. Are you aware of his work? If not, check it out. It's marvelous and needed.

His blog Changing Aging is a platform for sharing news about his very important work and the work of others, too.

I am very pleased that I have had two guest blogs published on Changing Aging recently. My first blog was about our musical revue A New Wrinkle. How glad I was when Changing Aging Editor Kavan Peterson emailed me to tell me that he had listened to the mp3s of songs from the revue, and had read some of the lyrics on our website as well and that he found the songs funny and wonderful. As I've said before, the artist's life can sometimes be a solitary endeavor, and it is very encouraging to receive positive response from one's audience.

This morning, I had another guest blog published at Changing Aging, on the healing power of memoir and life review. 

In it, I describe the value of life review to older adults and share some experience of my own life review over the past 17 years, which has resulted in my new book Songs of the Inner Life.

Life review is considered one of the important tasks of later life. It allows us to examine, let go, forgive, understand and integrate our life experience.

On another note, Mick Jagger turned 70 and 71-year old Paul McCartney gave a big concert in Seattle. Both of these music icons' ages resulted in New York Times articles. The articles are very different from one another.

Gail Collins took a friendly retrospective view of what rockers including Jagger said about aging when they were younger, and how they feel about it now that they have entered the territory of aging. Her opinion piece is warm and engaging. Enjoying your life has a positive effect on the aging process as Collins points out.  "... if you’re doing something you love to do, you can rise above it."

The article Septuagenarian Strut by Timothy Egan is another story entirely. Egan's reflections on Paul McCartney's recent concert were unsettling, a  flagrant display of the kind of disgust many people feel about aging and older adults. It's a rather sad read. Egan himself is in the demographic he writes about so scathingly.   Such repulsion and aversion to aging--it cannot be healthy. Here's one excerpt.

"Milling about Safeco Field in Seattle under a nearly full moon, I loathed my self-loathing. Demographically speaking, I’m smack dab in the middle of a generation that refuses to acknowledge age or get off the stage. Where is the off-ramp marked grace, dignity or class for the 76 million Americans born between 1946 and 1964?"

Readers sent over 200 comments on each of these articles--the comments make for fascinating reading.

That's the news today from southern Oregon, where wildfires are raging all around, making the air very, very smoky. Air quality is rated as unhealthy and we are urged not to go outside at all. We are all hoping for the fires to be contained and the air to clear soon.

Celebrating Songs of the Inner Life

My new book Songs of the Inner Life is now available at amazon.com, and will soon be out in Kindle format, too. 

It feels very good to be sending this book out into the world. I am glad that I accomplished this part of my creative aging/follow your bliss/do what makes you happy/share your gifts work. 

Now I have developed the Audacious Aging Kit and published the book. Next, it's finishing the musical revue A New Wrinkle and getting it produced and promoted.

There is plenty of reason to celebrate! I plan to start what will probably be a stream of celebrating with a reading and book signing in Ashland on June 28th. Other gatherings to share passages from the book will happen later this summer and fall.  

I really look forward to these--they will certainly be fun, instructive and who knows what-all else. It is a new adventure. 

I have received some emails from folks who tell me that I inspire them. How wonderful! If I do, I am glad. One woman wrote to say that I encourage her to continue to grow and develop. That makes me very happy. I want to inspire people and to encourage them to live into their dreams and share their gifts.

On another note, I have no marketing plan for Songs of the Inner Life. Should I be confessing this?  Isn't a solid marketing and promotional plan an essential aspect of sharing a book? Maybe, maybe not. For many reasons, I have not invested time and energy in developing one.

What was it like in the past, before the extreme promo buzz habits of today? Books went out into the culture through the author's activities and by word of mouth among readers, plus some newspaper coverage. That's the way it will be with Songs of the Inner Life with a splash of Facebook and LinkedIn thrown into the mix. 

Of course, a book wants readers! I invite you to read about the book on amazon.com and if it strikes a chord in you, buy a copy, read it and spread the word about its stories and messages. 

Funny Business 

Have you ever connected with humorist Jeanne Robertson?  The link here will take you to her YouTube videos. She is in her 60s and had a successful career as a corporate speaker before she began to create herself anew as a humorist. I like many of her talks, including the one about not bungee jumping naked. See if they get you laughing. I often find myself laughing out loud when I watch her routines.  

Links I Like

Two groups I follow on Facebook are EngAGE and Growing Bolder. Both post many interesting  stories and profiles of outstanding elders. If you use FB, you may find you like following the news they share, too.

Ciao for now, with wishes that your summer be a delightful experience. I always love hearing from you via email, FB or comments on the blog. Thanks for keeping in touch and take good care of yourself.

Speed of Light in the Slow Lane

Tashi Choling's beautiful temple and a clear blue sky

Until one grows older, one doesn't understand the comments of older people who insist  that "the years flew by so quickly." Now, however, we understand. One moment, we were 30 years old, the next moment we find we are 60 or 70, taking life in more slowly and with the panoramic perspective unique to age.

In 1976, I was fortunate to meet Gyatrul Rinpoche, a Tibetan lama who became my root teacher.  I could certainly devote many blog posts to events and recognitions that transpired in my relationship to him, to his amazing example of what is possible as a human being.

Paradoxically, there has been a whole lot of physical effort involved!

I hope that I live long enough to write about some of this, not necessarily here, but in a book that describes the creation and evolution of Tashi Choling, one of the Dharma centers that he inspired, which I helped to ground in its early years.

Tashi Choling's majestic Tibetan temple sits at the top of an expansive meadow. It is a beautiful place --peaceful and inspiring. I just finished taking part in 7 days of spiritual practice there, as our annual spring retreat unfurled.  We were blessed by the presence of Lingtrul Rinpoche, a wonderfully open and relaxed Tibetan lama, and my teacher Gyatrul Rinpoche came to the final session of the retreat. A very rich, powerful time....an incredibly moving time....a dip into the timeless heart essence ....

The proof copy of my new book--close to publication!

Songs of the Inner Life

Today I plan to finish the final proofing for Songs of the Inner Life, my soon to be published memoir.  The book is a project of Sage's Play, a venture I created in 2008, whose programs focus on creative, conscious aging.

I am very pleased with the cover design created by Robert Frost.  Robert has done many beautiful design projects for me over the years. I love his work.  He created a delightful brochure for the Retirement and Inspirement Coaching I offer and he has developed many many other posters and brochures for me.

It has been 25 years since I published a book! Well, that's not exactly true. I self-published Words Themselves are Medicine, a chapbook of poetry and essays in the early 90s.

My first book Growing and Using the Healing Herbs was a big success, thanks to the publisher Rodale Press' fantastic marketing structure. That herb book sold 200,000 copies -- the royalties paid for land I owned with my then-second husband, who co-authored the book with me.

Now we are about to send Songs of the Inner Life out into the world through Sage's Play.  I am very pleased to be offering Songs of the Inner Life, which tells some of the stories of how mysterious events and forces led me on my way in the midst of the landscape of ordinary life. I began writing some of the stories that appear in the book when I was 55!  I was plunging into life review, even though I didn't know it then.

The introduction to the book is available at our Sage's Play website (see link a few paragraphs up) under the Book and Writings link. I've collected some reader comments on the book as a way to let people know a bit more about what they can expect when they open its pages. If you are curious or interested, you can check them out at our website, too.

Writing and creating art of any kind  is of course an offering. Each piece of art attracts its own audience, people who resonate with its color, form, scent, message.  Songs of the Inner Life will emerge and connect in its own perfect timing with the people who are meant to read and appreciate it.

The Gardens

I feel very fortunate to be living amidst these gardens. The south-facing garden in front of the house is now filled with masses of blue love-in-a-mist, poppies, hibiscus, roses and dayliies. I expect the feverfew to explode into clouds of white blossoms any day now.

I am an earth-digger. With 6 planets in Taurus, it seems natural, perhaps inevitable.  It gives me a great deal of pleasure to enrich the soil and create beauty in gardens.

Years ago, when I lived in a place that had very dense clay soil, I used to imagine living in a cottage like this surrounded by profuse flower gardens, and now here I am....have I said this already? It is still very true.

In the back, there is a shade garden, boxes full of vegetables and the area at the very back of the yard, where a variety of vegetables and herbs commingle with some roses. Butterflies, bees, birds---the garden is a natural place of rest, where one can slow down and listen to things as they grow, appreciating their vigor and their perfect beauty.

The value of late life journeys into memoir and life review

I no longer remember the exact day I began an archeological expedition whose purpose was to delve into my life history in order to understand it better. I was in my mid 50s and I was living in a rustic house at the foot of Tashi Choling, a wonderful Tibetan Buddhist temple I had helped to found years before.

I am a person who relishes an occasional riotous discard of papers due to the misplaced hope that their destruction will bring freedom from onerous details of self and mundane life. Because of that habit, I have no notebooks from that time.

Fortunately, that habit has not reached my computer records so I do have a chronological set of files that describe the scope of my themes and how I approached them over time. Writing this particular book Songs of the Inner Life has occupied my imagination for the past 15 years. I've worked on it intensely for months at a time, then set it aside and taken it up again, over and over. I've written three quite different drafts. When one has spent that much time on a project, it assumes a dreamlike quality. Will it ever emerge as a finished book? That's certainly my firm intention. And now at 70, I finally feel mature enough to do it.

There is a marvelous exhilarating energy about setting off on a voyage, though that excitement may be mixed with certain misgivings and fears. That was my mood as I began exploring my psyche and personal history, intending to dig as deeply as needed to unearth new insights and healing artifacts. I had no idea when I started that I had plunged into the process of life review, which is considered an important developmental task of later life.


I began the first draft of the first chapter by contemplating the mysteries of how a singular human being precipitates from light into matter.

"A baby is still close to the angels. Its newness melts us. Its skin soft as a flower petal, its sweet breath, tiny hands and feet move us to wonder. Babies sometimes seem as if they are not quite in their bodies yet. We suspect that they may be lingering in luminous realms which have become invisible to us. Perhaps that's why being with a baby brings us back to the state of beginners’ mind, beginners’ eyes, beginners’ smile. And when we look into a baby's eyes, we feel that we are gazing out into the spacious reaches of the universe, or deep inside the secret wisdom of the uncreated.. A baby brings us into the ecstasy of the present moment."

I was working up to exploring some difficult terrain, and it helped to start by remembering original grace. After that, I spent months exploring and writing about my deepest childhood wounds, the beliefs and experiences that led me to feel worthless, isolated and deformed. It was hard going, but I kept on slogging through it, infusing the process with breaks for meditation and walks in Nature.

I agreed to engage in a continued encounter the Shadow because I wanted to heal. As they used to say in that old radio show about The Shadow, "The Shadow knows!" It's true. Digging into those layers was not an easy job, but I am very glad I did it.

"Writing memoir is not for the meek," a fellow writer wrote recently on Facebook, that beautiful mandala of offerings from other humans (whose management manipulations are sometimes terribly annoying.)

Of course, there were times on the journey when I felt as if I had become lost in a labyrinth. Not a labyrinth as beautifully green as this one but a forlorn rocky confusion of dead ends, isolation and being walled off from the rest of life.

I endured the hopeless confinement of one who felt she would never find the way out.

Is the way out, or in--or just relaxing and sitting still in the moment?

I am looking forward to returning to this book during the reflective months of winter. I am about to publish an excerpt preview of the Introduction and first three chapters of Songs of the Inner Life soon. I will let you know when it is available on amazon.com.



My recent article on memoir and life review (mentioned in my previous post) was mentioned in the September News Briefs of the National Center for Creative Aging!I am pretty pleased about that.

Because I believe so much in the powerful integrative and healing qualities of memoir and life review, I will be offering workshops devoted to that exploration through poetry, movement, deep relaxation, storytelling, voice and prose. A one-day workshop is coming up in Ashland, Oregon on October 16th. Please email me at gaea.yudron@yahoo.com or call me at 541-535-3084 if you would like to register. Fee is $50.

I plan to develop an online version as well so that friends in far places can participate.

Interested in walking through fire, discovering forgotten talismans in long forgotten sites, finding understanding and resolution that provides release from old issues, coming face to face with original grace, recognizing and engaging your deepest gifts? Memoir and life review is a way to do all of that and more.

84 Things and Radical Self-Disclosure

I am writing this because I told Joanna Jenkins at The Fifty Factor that I would, and of course I am writing it because I think it will be creative fun.

1. I am fond of the phrase "radical self-disclosure," which my onetime lover Ponderosa Pine introduced me to.

2. I met Ponderosa Pine, aka Keith Lampe, in Bolinas, a little town in Marin County, CA. He was one of the Yippies. (Remember that? They were 60s radicals.)

3. I am writing a memoir titled Songs of the Inner Life.

4. Let's get the celebrity stuff out of the way. I typed part of the manuscript for The Armies of the Night for Norman Mailer in Provincetown one summer.

5. I went to listen to Jerry Garcia rehearse in Marin County.

6. I was part of the crowd the first time that Jimi Hendrix played in New York.

7. I never shook a politician's hand as yet.

8. I want to become a saint but have a way to go.

9. I published a best-selling book on herbs (Gaea Weiss, Growing and Using the Healing Herbs, Rodale Press) but it was a long time ago.

10. Many things happened long ago because I am 69 years old.

11. I used to tell my second husband "It's nothing that a month in Greece wouldn't cure" and I still think that is so.

12. I have studied with various Tibetan spiritual masters for 35 years, and have experienced by being around them what is possible in terms of human potential.

13. Through no fault of theirs, I am still at the threshold of human development.

14. I love the poetry of Rilke, Yeats, Lorca and Thomas Merton, among others-- including women poets like Dorianne Laux and Ellen Bass.

15. I am a Taurus with 6 planets in the 12th house and yes, I love astrology.

16. I am a late bloomer.

17. I miss engaging playfully with men.

18. I do not miss being married.

19. I love systems of divination and inquiry like the Enneagram, astrology and Myer-Briggs.

20. Solo performance is a wonderful high in my book.

21. I am dreaming of Oaxaca, India, Thailand and it's not because of Eat,Pray, Love.

22. Elizabeth Gilbert is a very good writer.

23. I guess I might be considered a foodie.

24. My morning starts with coffee and then meditation.

25. I love NIA, a form of dance that includes yoga and martial arts in its routines.

26. Yes to truffles, no to Milky Way. Yes to good Indian or Thai or Chinese food.

27. I still remember a meal in a Bay area Chinese restaurant with about 25 Chinese people. The Chinese people ordered and I ate wonderful things never tasted since.

28. I have lived in Ashland, Oregon for over 30 years. It is artsy but provincial and conservative too, or maybe I have been here too long.

29. All summer I thought of having some Pernod, and now summer is nearly over.

30. My creative aging venture, Sage's Play, focuses on the art of aging including creativity, wellness and spirit.

31. I belong to an artists' coaching community called Artist Conference Network.

32. It can be deeply moving to share our work during Artist Conference Network meetings.

33. I helped to start Tashi Choling, a Tibetan Buddhist retreat center 30 years ago, in a mountain valley south of Ashland and I still go there often to pray.

34. I love writing.

35. I would like to live in a culture where I could pray quietly on the street or wherever and nobody think I was weird or offensive.

36. Sometimes I think about moving to another country, because America gets to me.

37. Sometimes in a similar vein, I wish I could escape myself, but as has been said, wherever you go, there you are.

38. I love the spacious restfulness of darkness.

39. I would love to live in the country again, with a woodstove and a hot tub.

40. One of the best things about Ashland is Jackson Wellsprings and its mineral waters where I love to swim and soak.

42. I am a self-educated woman with considerable curiosity.

43. I discovered about 6 months ago after reading a book by Barbara Sher that I am a scanner, a person who has many passionate interests and capacities.

44. When I mentioned this to my younger daughter, she looked at me sideways and commented, "And you've just discovered this Mom?"

45. I knew it already but I loved knowing more about Scanners and finally understanding why my Mother used to say, "You never finish anything," which wasn't true but it was true that some things landed by the wayside because of new passions.

46. I want to produce A New Wrinkle, my musical play about aging, in many cities because it is a theater of social change, intended to catalyze a positive perspective on aging.

47. I am grateful for old friends and the love we share.

48. 84 things is a lot of stuff.

49. I believe in the power of Eros, which has loomed large in my life so to speak-- and certainly that includes the G spot, various forms of orgasm whose existence is debated by scientists, pleasure, ecstasy, the fire of the ecstatic impulse and the links between eros and mysticism.

50. The above was not an example necessarily, but people think I am funny. I think it is funny to be in a body, but sometimes not that funny.

51. Lately I have been contemplating the phrase, "entering the world."

52. And also "leaving the world."

53. Of course, I love reading and cannot cite a favorite author or book but randomly The God of Small Things, The Myth of Freedom, Speak, Memory come to mind at the moment.

54. I started examining my life and writing autobiographical essays about it when I was 54.

55. I lost a lot of teeth when I was 55, and it seemed to be practice for losing a lot of other stuff not long after.

56. I know what it is like to be buried in the sands of time like some old mummy from a long-dead civilization.

57. I have re-invented myself quite a few times, including at 57.

58. I have changed my name because of marriage and in a voyage of self-discovery from Gail Emaus to Gail Madonia to Blackbird, Laughingbird, Gaea Weiss, Gaea Laughingbird.

59. Sometimes surprising things happen when you change your name, and they happened to me, but those stories are too long to share here, so read my book when it is done.

60. The 60th birthday was not so much of a milestone as it seems the 70th may be.

61. I believe in taking risks and leaps of faith.

62. I like learning new things, like right now I am calling people I never met to raise money to produce my play.

63. I want to learn Spanish.

64. I never wanted to travel, but now the urge comes on me from time to time.

65. I am in the winter of my life.

66. And very alive-- as Florida Scott-Maxwell wrote--"As we age, we are more alive than seems likely, convenient, or even bearable."

67. I love custard, pumpkin pie, duck, carrot/ginger soup, fresh-baked bread, and the list could go on of course because I am a foodie.

68. Yes, I would like to lose 20 pounds.

69. I am 69 right now and recovering from 4 broken metatarsal bones in my left foot.

70. I am still walking gimpily but glad to be walking after the educational experience of using a wheelchair and walker.

72. I am grateful for my strong constitution and good health and energy level.

73. I rest when I am tired.

74. I am waiting for Dr. Robert Butler's latest book Longevity Prescription to arrive in the mail.

75. I am a fan of Dr. Robert Butler, who died recently. He coined the word ageism in the 60s.

76. I have not mentioned it, but I have two beautiful daughters, 20 years apart.

77. Kindness changes everything, and I am working on being kind.

78. I used to be a lot more rasty, aggressive and domineering.

79. I am not a nice little old lady though because I believe in being subversive or you will be worse off, and for many other reasons as well.

80. Sure, I would like to live to be 80.

81. I do contemplate dying and because Buddhists do that as part of their practice, I am used to the contemplation.

82. Death is a major life event and I believe in preparing spiritually for it.

83. Sometimes you have to play for a long time before you can play like yourself, is what Miles Davis once said, and I agree.

84. I love reading a wonderful book called Graceful Exits, which is filled with the last words of many spiritual masters.

Winter: Time to Go Within

It's looking as if it might snow tonight up in the mountains. Last year at this time I was in Mexico near Puerto Vallarta. This year, I am happily ensconced in my sweet place in southern Oregon, contemplating the tropics from afar. White narcissus flowers on the dining table fill the room with their fragrance. I've just finished writing a very funny song on drugs and medications for A New Wrinkle, my play on aging. It is Baba Yaga's farewell song in the play. Now all I have to do is conjure up the play's finale, and I'm done with a good first draft of the script. Laura Rich has already scored three of the songs and today she is working on Scintillating Secrets of the Older Brain, which was inspired by the work of Dr. Gene Cohen and his book The Mature Mind.

I never knew how much I loved writing song lyrics until I started creating A New Wrinkle. I find the process of discovering great words, rhymes, near rhymes and rhythmic patterns really pixillating. It gets me going. The potential in ironic/pranic/sonic/harmonic or ecstasy/remedy/bimini or medicine/reticent, it does something to me. I start to feel a bit elfish or puckish. Regrettable, heretical or health-wise antithetical? No, it's not regrettable at all. I like it.

In terms of seasons, winter is likened to later life. A slower pace, more time for reflection. By the time you reach your sixties, you naturally become more reflective (unless you are one of those folks who takes "active aging" to aerobic extremes and never allow yourself to look within,which is sad, because reflection is a key element in aging.)

Winter is a great time for going within. Don't get me wrong. I love hiking around in the snow or getting out in the nippy air of winter. But I appreciate the opportunity to rest and reflect in the colder days and longer nights of winter.

I'm "living in the past" during some of my reflections. I reflect on my life experience, my relationships, the people who have crossed my path or filled my life with their presence, how things went,the patterns of my thought, emotions and behavior. Sometimes I am forgiving myself and others. During some of my reflections I am contemplating, meditating and praying, letting go of the solid reality of everyday life and welcoming the radiant essence. Sometimes I reflect upon the world, the Earth and its myriad beings, the future of the planet. Sometimes I reflect upon the cosmos, the constellations, the galaxies, vast and awe-inspiring.

Sometimes, right now for instance, my mind turns to what I'm about to cook for tonight's dinner, when my friend Betsy comes to visit. Now reflection must turn to action.

The Waters of Memory, the Sky of Dreams

When I was in my mid 50s, the past, which had never much interested me before, became fascinating. I spent almost a year reading and musing about the ancient Silk Road and the oasis cities that flourished there so briefly before being buried by the sands. Thinking of those lost cities and the civilizations they contained was a kind of doorway that spoke to me piercingly of impermanence, and also led me to aspects of my own psyche that up until then had been buried in the rushing torrents of life.

It's sometimes said that with age, qualities of reflection naturally arise. This has been true for me. Yes, I continue to show up in the outer world. I do the laundry, work, pray, cook good food, enjoy my friends, music, dancing, plunging into nature and the elements just as I’ve done for years. Yet as time passes, I find myself “living in the past” something that has been widely vilified as a sign of elder dottiness, but which I find to be a worthy task. What have I lived through and what is the meaning of the patterns, impulses, events and people that have filled my life? We live as the Christian mystic Jacob Boehme pointed out in two worlds. The material and the immaterial.

And as one grows older, it is possible that one may live more in the immaterial world--In the past, in the imagination, in prayer, meditation, spirit. Though I may be conjuring much consternation perhaps by putting all those things together. It works for me. If it does not work for you, adjust as you will to valences your psyche finds harmonious.

Every stage of life has its peculiar dreams. So during my mid 50s I found myself dreaming of a big white marble room with tall, narrow windows. The room contained a long table with a globe on it, ancient manuscripts their pages edged with gold, and some instruments and substances I associate with alchemy. In that room, I was a woman whose forehead shone with light. I was my own beacon.

In what we think of as the ordinary world, one doesn’t describe oneself this way. That is a bit of a problem with the ordinary world, because all of us have mythic, archetypal, immaterial qualities and when we ignore those, we are diminished.

From the beautiful white marble room, a heavy wooden door opened out to a narrow hallway. I had to take a lantern with me. The hallway curved, its stairs descending deep into the earth. The air was old and dry. I arrived at a doorway covered with heavy, deep red brocade cloth, gently pulled the cloth aside and looked into the small room that appeared before me, which was illuminated by votive candles set on a ledge that ran along its walls. Its ceiling was low, its dark walls were hewn from black rock. Three icons hung on the walls-- one of Jesus, one of the Black Madonna, and one of St. Michael. In the candlelight, their golden halos blazed out from the dark backgrounds of the paintings.

I saw an ornate, jewel-encrusted coffin in which lay an old King, strong and undecayed. His deep red robe was embroidered with flowers sewn of golden threads. His beautiful golden crown was set with rubies and emeralds. His Queen lay beside him like a still flower. She had a perfume, not of death, but of the ineffable.

Was it this dream that led me to begin excavating the archeological layers and the brightly lit memories that comprise the way stations of my life experience? I do not rightly remember if it was. But it was around that time that I started reflecting on and writing about my life in an effort to understand, reconcile and let go.

“I come to the fields and spacious palaces of memory, where are the treasures of innumerable images, brought into it from things of all sorts perceived by the senses,” as St. Augustine wrote in his Confessions. It takes both fierce focus and soft trust to enter the territory of the soul with both eyes wide open, to describe the seasons and stations of the inner journey. It is a task and opportunity that can be taken up in the elder years, if one is drawn to do it.