Still Here, Bless This Day

When I call my friend Philip and ask how he is, he invariably answers, "Still here" and I usually say, "Me too." I think Philip is 81. He used to be a Hollywood set designer. He has always been a rather colorful chap, prone to various interesting ensembles, including turbans, sarongs and other such items.

His daughter Tara took this photo of Philip "doing his Moses impression" on Mt. Ashland. Philip was the main builder for the Tashi Choling temple in the 80s. He spent summers living in a school bus and went back to work in Hollywood for the winters. Then he bought land near the temple and built an adobe structure and filled it to the brim with family and friends. He used to say that he was starting to grow a third world country there. His place did have some of that quality at times. After years of living that way, he built a bigger adobe house on his land. He is an artistic guy with a fondness for beauty and it shows in everything he does. 

I have a tender feeling about him these days, knowing that both of us are at the tail-end of this particular lifetime, and having a great appreciation for his determination, loyalty, and eccentricities, which once could be a bit annoying at times, but now seem to be endearing.

"It's a new day," as my Mother was fond of saying. Coming back up to the surface from the dream dimensions and waking again. Musing about the dreams and then meditating. Walking, writing, looking at birds and people. Reflecting on the state of the world, sperm whales dying with their stomachs full of plastic, the deranged phantasmagoria of politics. Memento mori. How good David Bowie looked even two days before his death. Fortunate in that way.

Yes, I have become this person about to turn 75, with a body verifiably older, my belly pregnant with wisdom or whatever, and so forth on the rest of the usual details re face, arms, breasts, neck and derriere which have not been subjected to plastic surgery or herculean exercises and are letting go into a far more relaxed, soft style. Acceptance.

I have gone from being a bohemian, beatnik, hippie and now bringing all that along with about 40 years of Buddhist study and practice, find I am an elder woman living in what I prefer to think of as voluntary simplicity, but which others might describe as low income. I am on the waiting list for a senior apartment. Which truly cracks me up at moments. But one never knows what is next, really.

A National Geographic photo from the 40s, Texas bluebells

The lilacs are in bloom. I am in the midst of my annual lilac yearning. This year, I have no garden with big old lilac bushes as I did at my flower cottage or at my friend Kate's place last year and I find myself walking along the back alleys in Ashland wishing I had brought my clippers to take a bit of lilac here and there for a bouquet. This could well happen. I may be a flower thief this year, unless somebody reading this brings me a lilac bouquet before I set out to quench my lilac thirst.


Everything is blooming much earlier than it did years ago. Lilacs always remind me of the day long ago when I took Refuge, agreeing with myself to enter (or re-enter) the Buddhist path. I brought a big bouquet of lilacs to Sister Palmo that day, which was May 13th, some year in the past, maybe 1975? Somewhere in that region. I wrote about this in my book Songs of the Inner Life. The book chronicles my adventures only to my early 30s.

I guess my current book project provides some kind of followup, though not in the memoir format. I helped to start Tashi Choling in 1978 and now I am collaborating with my sangha sister Lisbeth to create a book about Tashi Choling, a project I avoided for years, but which now has a kind of sweet inevitability about it. I feel quite lucky actually.  I have finally relaxed into the sweet inevitability, how I as a writer and as someone there from the beginning am a natural person to engage in writing this history. People tell me, "Oh, you're the perfect person to be doing this." Perfect, not. But definitely a likely suspect.

In fact, I feel more content than I have felt in a long time, working on this book. If all goes well (translation: and I live long enough) after we finish this book, I will go on to write a book about my teacher Gyatrul Rinpoche's life. I have already begun on that effort, but have to finish the Tashi Choling book first.

You would never find me doing this tightrope walk. At least not physically. I am a real flatland type of gal, strongly favoring solid ground over vast chasms.  And yet.....

I have been reading Chogyam Trungpa's brilliant book The Myth of Freedom again. In it, Trungpa opens up topics like boredom, restlessness, simplicity, mindful awareness and the various ways in which we use credentials to confirm or prove our existence. The last item is one I contemplate these days. The tightrope of identity. Or just being a lot more open. Work in progress. Letting go is Sage's Play, and practice for the upcoming journey out of this particular body and life.

Speed of Light in the Slow Lane

Tashi Choling's beautiful temple and a clear blue sky

Until one grows older, one doesn't understand the comments of older people who insist  that "the years flew by so quickly." Now, however, we understand. One moment, we were 30 years old, the next moment we find we are 60 or 70, taking life in more slowly and with the panoramic perspective unique to age.

In 1976, I was fortunate to meet Gyatrul Rinpoche, a Tibetan lama who became my root teacher.  I could certainly devote many blog posts to events and recognitions that transpired in my relationship to him, to his amazing example of what is possible as a human being.

Paradoxically, there has been a whole lot of physical effort involved!

I hope that I live long enough to write about some of this, not necessarily here, but in a book that describes the creation and evolution of Tashi Choling, one of the Dharma centers that he inspired, which I helped to ground in its early years.

Tashi Choling's majestic Tibetan temple sits at the top of an expansive meadow. It is a beautiful place --peaceful and inspiring. I just finished taking part in 7 days of spiritual practice there, as our annual spring retreat unfurled.  We were blessed by the presence of Lingtrul Rinpoche, a wonderfully open and relaxed Tibetan lama, and my teacher Gyatrul Rinpoche came to the final session of the retreat. A very rich, powerful time....an incredibly moving time....a dip into the timeless heart essence ....

The proof copy of my new book--close to publication!

Songs of the Inner Life

Today I plan to finish the final proofing for Songs of the Inner Life, my soon to be published memoir.  The book is a project of Sage's Play, a venture I created in 2008, whose programs focus on creative, conscious aging.

I am very pleased with the cover design created by Robert Frost.  Robert has done many beautiful design projects for me over the years. I love his work.  He created a delightful brochure for the Retirement and Inspirement Coaching I offer and he has developed many many other posters and brochures for me.

It has been 25 years since I published a book! Well, that's not exactly true. I self-published Words Themselves are Medicine, a chapbook of poetry and essays in the early 90s.

My first book Growing and Using the Healing Herbs was a big success, thanks to the publisher Rodale Press' fantastic marketing structure. That herb book sold 200,000 copies -- the royalties paid for land I owned with my then-second husband, who co-authored the book with me.

Now we are about to send Songs of the Inner Life out into the world through Sage's Play.  I am very pleased to be offering Songs of the Inner Life, which tells some of the stories of how mysterious events and forces led me on my way in the midst of the landscape of ordinary life. I began writing some of the stories that appear in the book when I was 55!  I was plunging into life review, even though I didn't know it then.

The introduction to the book is available at our Sage's Play website (see link a few paragraphs up) under the Book and Writings link. I've collected some reader comments on the book as a way to let people know a bit more about what they can expect when they open its pages. If you are curious or interested, you can check them out at our website, too.

Writing and creating art of any kind  is of course an offering. Each piece of art attracts its own audience, people who resonate with its color, form, scent, message.  Songs of the Inner Life will emerge and connect in its own perfect timing with the people who are meant to read and appreciate it.

The Gardens

I feel very fortunate to be living amidst these gardens. The south-facing garden in front of the house is now filled with masses of blue love-in-a-mist, poppies, hibiscus, roses and dayliies. I expect the feverfew to explode into clouds of white blossoms any day now.

I am an earth-digger. With 6 planets in Taurus, it seems natural, perhaps inevitable.  It gives me a great deal of pleasure to enrich the soil and create beauty in gardens.

Years ago, when I lived in a place that had very dense clay soil, I used to imagine living in a cottage like this surrounded by profuse flower gardens, and now here I am....have I said this already? It is still very true.

In the back, there is a shade garden, boxes full of vegetables and the area at the very back of the yard, where a variety of vegetables and herbs commingle with some roses. Butterflies, bees, birds---the garden is a natural place of rest, where one can slow down and listen to things as they grow, appreciating their vigor and their perfect beauty.

Greetings on the Tibetan New Year

Today is Losar, the day of the Tibetan New Year. It's the year of the water snake. I am sending warm wishes to you that this lunar year brings you joy, good health, prosperity and wonderful opportunities for growth and transformation.

Two days ago, I went out to Tashi Choling, the Buddhist center I helped to start in 1980. Every year, we do a spiritual practice for three days to purify obstacles from the current year and clear the energies for the coming year. This morning our sangha (spiritual community) gathered to do a puja ceremony to welcome the new year. I wasn't able to attend because I have a class I am teaching at OLLI (Osher Lifelong Learning Center) at the university today.

Prayer flags in front of the Tashi Choling temple

 It was very sweet to take part in the practice on Saturday. Going out to Tashi Choling is often like going into another parallel world. It feels good to leave ordinary concerns and activities behind, and focus on meditation and prayer.

The temple is over the mountain pass south of Ashland, Oregon. Then one goes down into the Colestine Valley. It was a cold, brilliantly sunny day. The tall prayer flags in front of the temple were flying in the breeze.

I feel the kind of closeness with my Dharma family that one feels for real family, for old friends bound by a common vision and goals. I've practised with many of my sangha friends for over 30 years now. We've been through a lot together, because we are all in the same spiritual cauldron.

People who are entering a spiritual path or practice sometimes imagine that it will be blissful and harmonious and otherworldly. Yes, hopefully there will be those moments or hours or weeks, but there is also a great deal of tumult, irritation, conflict and difficulty because confronting one's habitual responses and obscurations is not the most relaxing thing. Is that one of my understatements? Yes it is. Spiritual inquiry and the inner work of transformation brings everything up that is hidden below the surface.  Not always pretty, especially since we have the habit of putting everything under the rug, and keeping up appearances.

The sun shines in one of the temple windows

Candles and colored lights on the altar

Some of the work involves disclosing one's negative habits and responses to oneself, and working to transform.

The sangha community acts as support, mirror and sometimes provocateur. The spiritual teacher is the conductor of the symphony. Sometimes the music is ecstatic, sometimes it is cacophony.

One grows to appreciate the entire display. I was very glad to have to opportunity to be with my beloved sangha friends two days ago.

As we age, it's natural to turn within. I remember reading an essay whose author portrayed aging as a natural monastery. One tends to slow down, to become more reflective.

Religious traditions recognize the importance of spiritual focus in the later years. In Hinduism, four stages of life are described--student, householder, retired person and sadhu or sunnyasin. The last two stages are especially involved in spiritual practice. The worldly responsibilities of family and career are done, and one takes up spiritual practice in earnest.

The retired person is pictured living as a hermit in a forest hut. In the next stage, the sadhu or sunnyasin becomes a wandering recluse who has given up home altogether, instead concentrating on spiritual release.

In Tibetan culture, older people are not expected to work, but are supported in spiritual practice. One sees rows of older people with their prayer beads and prayer wheels, spending hours in prayer and meditation.

How different these perspectives on aging are from those of our modern world, with its emphasis on proving one's value through continued productivity, engagement, encore careers, active and sometimes hyperactive aging and a retirement age that keeps creeping toward 70.

These are my reflections today, as I prepare to offer my first OLLI class on "Retirement, Refirement and Successful Aging."

First Day of Spring

Take 9 days of cold/flu sickness and combine it with moving from one house to another. No thanks. Anyone knows that when you put those two ingredients together it spells deep weariness. Sorry lady, this is what we've giving you. A somewhat rough passage. And that about describes my last 9 days. But I came through it--hallelujah.

I am grateful for the help of some dear friends and taking rests when my body informed me that it simply would not repeat absolutely would not allow me to unpack another box. Lie down please, my body urged me, or wouldn't you like to take a bath or have some tea? The body has its own wisdom, as we know.

So this morning, I woke up in my new peach colored bedroom feeling thankful and happy. Today is the first day of spring, my cold/flu is finally departing. The boxes are all unpacked and recycled. I am pretty nicely settled into my elder house share.

Today I will spend most of the day at Tashi Choling, the Tibetan Buddhist retreat center I helped to found over 30 years ago. (www.tashicholing.org if you want more info) Gathering with my spiritual community to meditate and pray is my idea of a truly wonderful day. After we practice, we'll have some lunch and then a group of us will put together our spring newsletter for mailing. I'm looking forward to being out there in the mountain valley in the beautiful temple after these past 9 days of travail.

I hope that your celebration of the first day of spring brings you refreshment, too.